Throughout my whole life I was always fixated on one woman or another I desired. Each year or two there would be another. In essence an all consuming want and desire to love and be with a particular woman I knew was my focus. Once I got over one situation of desire, it wouldn't be long before there would be another who drew my passions. And of course we all know that when we focus our attention on what we ourselves want, we drive away the very person we most admire and think we love.
Some years ago a particular woman I was most interested in was becoming upset with me and this in turn was upsetting for me. One evening/early in the morning after coming back from a dance in town I was intensely searching my mind for the way forward out of this suffering of rejection, when I thought to my self that I did not care what I wanted anymore and asserted that I did not want to cause any upset in her.
Within a second of this assertion what felt like a wave, washed over me from top to bottom. All the tension in my body was released and I heard a voice state that my life was not my own and that it belonged to everyone else. I knew instantly that this must be what enlightenment is. I was elated and felt blessed. A knowledge of connectedness and oneness was apparent, my voice lowered, I felt like I had reached the very centre of the universe.
For the next two weeks or so I went out and really connected with people in a way not possible prior to the awakening. What most characterized the experience was the complete focus of attention on others and it seemed not at all on myself. And of course here lies our salvation. The perfect response to life/others can only be made by focusing our attention away from ourselves and on to others. Its the only way to really connect!
Life becomes one of giving and loving in a way not possible when we focus on ourselves. This I gather is confirmed by others who speak or write of these awakening realizations. There was no room for anxiety and fear. It was utterly utterly liberating. Of course, I realized that virtually all of us are suffering because of our self focusing. When I went out to dances and social gatherings, I could see the suffering as clear as day. Also the fact that people are hiding. So much information seemed to be coming at me.
The poor relations between men and women were obvious to me. I could see why, right before my very eyes. Men hide more than women. Women can't communicate with people that hide. There's more to it than that but I 'm sure all of you know what I'm talking about. There's so much to express and share with everyone. I'm sure many of you know.
I fell from grace about two weeks later. One morning I woke up and was back to my usual consciousness, laced with anxiety. But I know that any one of us can find this realization. But we are so accustomed to self focus, it's hard or seemingly impossible to imagine. I still have a memory of the experience. One of the things it brought to me was that I and all of us have a responsibility to one another.
And so I must find a way to realize again for the sake of others. Our suffering is immense and we are causing others to suffer because of our suffering. Pain is endured without suffering and making others suffer, when one is awakened.
I hope you found this account informing. There is a way to bliss! Lets all find the way. Its the only path to harmony and true caring.