My whole life I have felt that I never made choices for me. I felt powerless over the choices I was making. Activities I participated in, where I went, which college I chose, who I dated, I never really felt connected to my choice making. It could be said I felt I was acting impulsively and blindly. Now, though, I know every step I took was to guide me to where I am today.
Don't we all have those connections? Where you look back on even the seemingly smallest decision and realize the spiral of events it caused and the path it put you on. Without that event or decision you would not be where you were today? I dated the bad boy in high school. Until my parents found out and banned me from him. So then I decided to do a 180 and date every parent's dream for their daughter. In order to impress the good boy, I applied to a college I knew himself and my dad would love me to go to. Then I got in to that college. Then good boy broke up with me. I went to that college and for the first time in my life I created a wonderful group of friends and met people I will forever hold in my heart. I also met my current boyfriend at this college after having two years of individual experience as a college girl. My boyfriend isn't good or bad boy. He is just him. He is good to me and I love him. You probably think that's where I'm getting at, right? Because I dated the bad boy and good boy in high school I met my boyfriend in college? Nope. Through my boyfriend I have met one of my best friends. I never had a girl friend like the one I found through him. She had a job as a secretary, and for some reason I always wanted her job. A minimum waged job in a small business while I worked for a very reputable company earning my MBA. What was the attraction? The pull to have her job? Well, she quit her job. Then all of a sudden my job wasn't working out for me. Why was my boss being so rude to me and picking on me unlike anyone else? People in life don't even realize they are helping others on their path! I have no anger to my angry boss, instead she made me quit my job and go to my friend's old secretary job that I had wanted so bad for some unknown reason. But the reason became clear on my first day. I met a man who changed my life. The moment I met him I knew I lived many lives with him. I knew he was going to change my whole world. And he did. He provided me insights on the spiritual world and books and tools to grow in it. Since then, my whole world is a spiritual experience. I help others in their spirituality, I have tapped in to my intuitive abilities. And although I am still learning and making my way on my spiritual path, I have come to realize I will continue to learn every day! Sometimes I get frustrated because I am the type who wants to just be a master at something. But I now know, that will never be the case with spirituality. My growth and transformations will never cease. And isn't that beautiful?
After I learned everything I needed to learn from this man, I ironically was let go from my position due to cut backs and found an amazing job within my degree spectrum, working in a pleasant environment and making a decent living to support myself. I was drawn to work at the small company because my soul knew I needed to meet this man to guide me on to an awakened path.
I am not dating this man I met. Nor is he the same spiritual adviser he once was to me anymore. We meet people in life, even if they do not stay forever, that bring us on the path we need. I had the bad boy. The good boy. The college I didn't care about. The current boyfriend who introduced me to my best friend who introduced me to the small company that I winded up working for where I found spirituality.
Finding spirituality is beautiful. I feel as if one day something just clicks and it is your soul and the universe recognizing they are one spiritual entity.
I don't think soul searching is the right word because I did not make a decision to go search for my soul, one day my soul just came to me, kind of knocked me down and said hey! I have been here since your birth in to this human experience, and you have ignored my wants and needs for so long, it's time you feed me and nurture me with growth, awakening, experience. And from that day on, I have discovered more and more about myself every day, I saw more and more of myself in the universe with every passing minute of each day. Awake and asleep. I feel so blessed. 2014 was one of the hardest but also the most beautiful years of my life. 2015 started with more hardship thrown at me, and the mercury retrograde hasn't touched my life in the most polite fashion, but I will never ever return back to my old, abandoned ways and habits of self destruction - physical and emotional. Each day I remember, I have a purpose here and that I chose every experience in my life from the unconscious state. I picked this life because my soul not only knew I was strong enough to handle it... But because my soul knew I needed these experiences. That is why I am so glad my soul knocked me down and showed its true presence to my human ego and mind. Each day I hold on to my soul as my guide, my soul is one with the universe. And how beautiful is that?