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White Light Experience


I'm 48 years old and have struggled with addiction for all of my life. I've had years of abstinence, however I never treated the root cause which I now know is my spirituality. About 5 years ago I began using again to treat my crippling depression and anxiety. Although I wasn't using to get high my addiction was awakened and the depression became unbearable. I was hospitalized for severe panic attacks that would last for days, coming in waves. Suicide was inevitable. I had to muster up the courage to do it but could not get up the strength. I was an agnostic and had no belief of any kind of god that could intervene. I only prayed for death. I was spiritually bankrupt. My mind became locked into a state of catastrophic thinking and was institutionalized and put on suicide watch for 9 days. Every move I made was monitored by a tech or nurse, even going to the bathroom. A few years ago I was living a normal life with 2 children a beautiful wife, a great job and no worries. I was devastated at how my disease could take so much and tried to cut my wrists with my partial denture I had from a serious car accident 20 years ago. A nurse intervened and I curled up in a ball crying like a child. It got much worse.

I decided to act like I was doing better and was released a week later. My plan was to get heroin and overdose. When I returned home and saw my wife and children I could not do it. In the months that followed I was still suffering horribly and realized I probably would have to suffer for the rest of my life. I had too many panic attacks to count, and the depression that followed them was unlike anything I've ever felt before. I began calling people from narcotics anonymous to see if they relapsed and could help my score some heroin. I realized the ones that relapsed would not answer the phone and searched the internet for ways to get high legally. I found a drug called kratom and began taking massive doses to ease the depression and anxiety. It worked for a while and then it didn't. I had to find the strength to kill my self. I was now horribly addicted and still suffering from depression. I fantasized of my obituary. No one matters in addiction.

In the early morning of feb 23 I started to feel a energy unlike anything I've ever felt before. I was processing information I didn't even know I had so rapidly That I thought I had a brain tumor that was creating all the depression I experienced and was now making me feel the exact opposite. I wasn't at all afraid and decided to let whatever was going to happen just happen. I began to understand how the disease of addiction worked and felt a presence of light and love overcome me. I instinctively knew it was god and kept letting go of negative thoughts and emotions. I cried with joy. The feeling was better than any drug I have ever done but there was no need to want more. I was in a complete state of presence and felt like god was all around me. I have heard of spiritual awakenings in the rooms of N.A. and A.A. But never like this. The feeling subsided the following day but had all the knowledge that I had received. I went to an N.A. Meeting that night and saw energy coming from those who had an awakening and those who were struggling. I had some kind of 6th sense and knew that my experience could help others. My family was alarmed when I told them and I decided to check myself into rehab for 70 days to let them and myself come to terms with this. I'm happy to say I'm now 74 days sober and depression free. I'm also a believer of GOD and know my message is to help others and plan to find a way to do his work.

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Comments about this spiritual experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Randy l, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

Saved by the light. (guest)
3 days ago (2024-06-15)
I was in my late twenties living with my husband for seven years. I knew something wasn't right between us, our loving relationship was changing. Strange things began to occur in our house. Noises, breezes, banging, and one day a dark cloaked, hooded being put a cold hand on my left shoulder, I turned to look, screamed and it disappeared. I later learned that he'd been consulting with a medium friend. I was being tormented and felt life wasn't worth living as our marriage continued to crumble. I was depressed, crying and mentally planning suicide while I was in bed unable to sleep. About 2 am. I turned on the T.V.; the 700 club came on and I heard a word to call the prayer line. I called and a pleasant man answered. I poured out my story to him and he listened, then said may we pray together? After the call ended, a small white orb appeared near the ceiling at the left corner of my room. The light became brighter as the orb grew larger and floated toward my bed. I wasn't afraid just curious as it floated over me I reached up to touch it. I felt a firm gentle hand coming from the orb and holding my hand, with this I received a telepathic communication "Everything will be OK". There was an indescribable overwhelming feeling of love, joy, peace, and spiritual cleansing when I touched the light. I trembled and sobbed tears from this experience. I cried every time I spoke about it. I told two Jehovah Witness women about the light orb at our Bible study. They responded that it was a demon trick, even Satan can present himself as a being of light. Also, who was I that an angel or God would appear to me? I believe they were wrong because; I am a child of God, his creation for whom he has love and compassion, as are all of the people on this earth. If anyone has had a similar experience or wants to comment please email me at dspig [at]
Madonna (guest)
3 months ago (2024-03-26)
Funny, reading about how the white light is & when it comes upon oneself. I've always thought due to a onetime experience that it was through meditation that I accidentally was open to this God of love, the joy, the crying, the peace. All of that in the light. I've tried to duplicate but with no success [at] getting back to it. I read people were fully conscious & went in like a hidden portal that opened up. Is there a portal? That's my question, like another dimension?
Dee (guest)
3 years ago (2021-04-01)
Dear Curious and Terrified,

God never gives up on Us, His children. He is our Father in Heaven.

As I wrote to Michael;

You matter to me. You are in my prayers.

Dee (guest)
3 years ago (2021-04-01)
Hi Michael!

I hope you see this. I would email your cell but l live in Japan and the time difference; well I didn't want to wake you.

I was/am in a VERY difficult place in my life. Have been for 2 years. But I was blessed with a deceased loved one (s) coming into my life. They can't erase the terror I feel but they have "aided" me with guiding messages.

Your blinding white light and intuition may not be just one person. Our guardian angels, deceased loved ones' spirits are always with us.

Oh...before I continue, I'm writing a book about angels. NO! This is NOT a sales's nowhere near finished. But to write, I've had to do a lot of research; and I have two years of experience with the phenomenon. I'm paying it forward.

1: Divine timing. We, you, me and the rest of us living want what we want and we want it NOW.
Apparently it doesn't work that way. Take my word for it... I tried for more than a year. It's only recently I REALIZED this. I hope it saves you some time.

2: Free will. We get all the free will cards we want. These sound like a good thing BUT I will tell you now; they ARE NOT. My angels sent me messages, like they were literally screaming to me, "GET THE HECK OUT OF THERE! RUN DO NOT WALK TO THE NEAREST EXIT!
On more than one occasion I used my free will cards.

The angels, our guardian angel and GOD will not intervene if we choose NOT to LISTEN.
I chose because I'm not getting any younger and thought this was my LAST chance at LOVE.
They were RIGHT. I was WRONG!

3: Be thankful for your experience. The white light may or may not come back BUT someone up there (or walking beside you as case may be) needed to get your attention. I want to "say look for/listen for..." But in the case of divine timing, the messages will come to you. Keep your eyes open; keep your ears open... BUT mostly keep your heart open.
No matter how bad things seem try your darnedest to be positive! It makes communication much easier.

Lastly! I don't know you. But you matter to me and please remember I am praying for your success. Dee
CuriousAndTerrified (1 posts)
3 years ago (2021-01-12)
Hi Randy (OP):
I don't know if you will see this since your post was over 3 years ago but I am a new member and your story was the first one I read on this site - and I was very moved. As I read it - even from the first few words it was so similar to my life and my experience (alcoholism, too, etc.) that for a brief moment I almost thought, "Did I write in to this site and forget that I did?" (because, uh, yeah, that's happened more times than I care to admit...)
Anyway, long story short, my experience with a "white light" or "God light" was this: I too was (and frankly, still am) an everyday alcoholic... Very depressed and have "committed" multiple serious suicide attempts. I would love to say that this experience I am about to share was the end of the drinking and I was healed. Unfortunately, that is not the case. But enough of the poor me-isms. The fact I still have a problem does not negate nor lessen the intensity of the experience. Even though this happened more than 10 years ago, I still remember it like it was yesterday and hold it in my heart... Even though I do not fully understand it. (I do beat myself up, though, thinking I royally screwed up and have since blown it with God, so to speak, by continuing to drink). ANYWAY! I was living (in sin, lol) with my boyfriend at the time and we were both at a very low stage in our lives. He did not have the drinking problem I did but he was def depressed. One random day I just remember coming out of the shower and suddenly feeling an overwhelming "presence." I think I had been crying but that was not unusual for me. All I know is, I was not thinking about suicide or alcohol or God or anything heavy like that but all of a sudden I was just overwhelmed by this feeling in my heart of...well, God. It was as if He had come into the room and into my, literally. I could feel this... Strange pressure on my chest. Not like a bad thing or pain, but as if my heart or something in my chest was opening up and filling with light. It truly was like a drug experience, only clean and amazing and guilt free. I felt myself almost lifting off my feet. (But I felt I could control it and chose to remain grounded). The thing that will forever stick with me the most was the light. The light in the bathroom grew brighter and brighter and brighter until the whole entire bathroom (and me) were filled with the most amazing, bright, white light. It is hard to explain without sounding like a quack or a dufus but I remember a smile just spreading across my face as I looked up at the ceiling, filling more and more every second with this warm, amazing feeling of love. The light was so bright it was like looking into the sun, only it did not hurt my eyes. And I could feel the surge of the energy... As it grew brighter and brighter... Like a pulsating "waa waa" kind of thing. I couldn't stop smiling. Tears rolled down my face in torrents without even realizing why or how. I was just filled with this all-encompassing peace and love. Though I did not HEAR a voice or SEE God, I knew instantly that that was who it was, And I knew the message was something like, "I am always here, and you are watched over and loved." There was no doubt in my mind. Now here is the freakiest part - but I swear it is true - all of this is. (I do not think I have told anyone about this but it was the most powerful thing about it). As I was experiencing this warm feeling of love and light (and I myself felt light as a feather, like I could float right up to and through the ceiling), I looked in the mirror across from me and noticed that both of my arms had risen up at my sides by themselves. Even though I hated to look in the mirror (and still do) I stood there, naked, wet from the shower and not ashamed or disgusted for once. And I saw myself standing there as my arms kept being moved as if from some unseen force up, up, up into the form of a cross. I was not doing it. I know that in my heart, but I know no one will believe me... Or they will say I was drunk or tripping or something, but I was clear as a bell. To this day I have no idea why my arms went up into a cross or what it means. I have wondered if it might come across as sacrilegious, like I am trying to compare myself to Jesus or make some comment about the crucifixion, but I honestly am not. In fact, I have often wondered (and worried) that that was like God's warning to me (about the drinking) and since I did not stop he has given up on me. If anyone knows what it might mean or have heard of this before, I would be thrilled to hear your theories. Thank you for listening and I hope you are still well. Congrats on your sobriety! I hope to one day celebrate that as well... But all in good time. BTW, this is my first time on the site and first post but I have had quite a few spiritual experiences... If that's what you would call them - and hope to write about them as I go along. Please comment if you know anything about this experience. Thank you!
Omar (guest)
4 years ago (2020-07-27)
One night I was sitting in dining room. And the room lit up. When I tried to turn around to see where it was coming from. I noticed I couldn't move like something was weighing me down. After a few seconds the room dimmed and the heavinees lifted off me. I leaped off my chair and said out loud to myself."What the f*#k was that"?! I ran into the bedroom and told my friend what had just happened.
Michael Knight (guest)
4 years ago (2020-01-26)
Last June of this year 2019 I was at the end. Heavy functioning alcoholic
the sloppy details of my life.
The basic one was my father was a Russian orthodox priest and we had no choice but to be
His circus performers on Sundays and holidays. He was so into god. God god. His religion and his ideals. He could do no wrong but yet he broke all the commandments. He was so selfish. Cheated and beat my mother,divorced,My brother died 4 years ago of renal cell carcinoma, he was 59, I am 58. I took a year off to take care of him and Evan took pictures of the experience of his death. His life taken by cancer.
I could not understand why my brother didn't tell me my father was molesting him. How could he sit at the supper table and not say anything. My brother had a nervous break down and asked if I could put him up. I did. Then he asked is I could get him a job where I was working at a Mercedes restoration shop. Back then they didn't use safety precautions when dealing with the chemicals. I feel to blame that I got him a job that would later take his life. The last parish we were at he said he was going to New York and we were not going with him. Little did we know he was going to get defrocked. He met a lady with money there. Anyhow he came back to town, i didn't know and was staying at the church secretary's house and wanted to mary her. He got a job and rolled co van thinking she would come to his rescue. But instead she called me up to pick up his luggage, go to the hospital and convince the doctors he won't commit suicide. Do not bring him back here. He spent 11 years after supper going over there. But she had money. He cornered her in the kitchen and said let's get married. My dad felt he never had to work. I stopped my life to rescue him.
He met a lady in new york. I took him to the train station a few months later. He would have been homeless and no money with out the rich lady.Barbara.My father died and I told Barbara all about my dad but she said I still love him, that was his prior life... Anyhow then Barbara was on her death bed and we rushed to say good by to her. She only had a cousin left. We thanked her for everything she did for us. She had had a stroke when they took her off the blood thinners to do a surgery it was the beginning of the end. In the icu She kept holding her head and I asked her if she was in pain and she moved her head. People talked as if she couldn't hear. I saw her peak out of the corner of her eye. I askd if she was in pain and she moved her head around fast. They did not want to give her morphine cause it could kill her. I went to the nurse and said you have no choice. I made the call. She died just before they were going to put her in a hospice home to die the next Monday. So we went back to new york for the funeral. She had left all her money to the church. The cousin must have found her lap top and read all the emails she saved. She asked if we wanted her jeep so she asked the bishop and they replaced all the bad and cleaned it up and gave it to us. She was very kind to do that.
MY EXPERIENCE... I was sitting in my garage just before dusk, we live set back in the woods and I restore cars out of my home. This tiny bright light flew in my shop and floated in the corner. I saw it and said wow that's great I want you to stay around and maybe help me through life. I knew it was awesome. Then it flew so fast at my face that I swiped it away and all I could hear is feathers and see the light coming at me. At first I thought it was my wife with a flash light, but there was no one there. Then I looked by the door and the lite was floating by the wood stove. I wanted to check my phsycy so I asked if it could move the box on the wood stove and it did 10 inches. Then I asked if it could move it back and it did. I communicated with it. I talked with it for it seems hrs, until the moskitoes started getting me. I said wow bill you can move a box but you can't help me win mega bucks. I was suppose to think of the number 1 and do a quick pick power ball so I could get money to finish his home on lake winesquam. Share the money with my family. It still sits 8 acres in the woods the road built. I'm sure its starting to grow back in. It was his pride. I can't help anyone because I have no money to help myself. That night just after 12 I got woken up by this festering energy in my body. It was something I never felt before. After I fell asleep it must have given me something because I had no desire to consume alcohol. It gave me strength. I have lost 60 pounds. I only eat good real foods and I look for that energy every day. There is nothing on u tube that collaborates with communicating with the light. I want to see it again. I want to talk to it. What was it or who was it that appeared. Was it barbara?bill?my guardian angel? My mother?. I look every day for more signs. I believe all religions are for the fanatics. This is the real deal. My cell phone is 603-661-2113.If you can help me in my journey please call. There must be a way to call it back... Ive been to physics that only took my money... I think the light gave me something special. I want to know more. I am going to register to be a member. Thank you for this site. Michael Knight.I live in new hampshire
Bright light (guest)
5 years ago (2019-11-07)
I was at a bus stop bench sitting with my older brother and a bright white light surrounded us. I asked him did he see what I just saw and he said he did. I'm always thinking of it and it's happened over 15 years ago. I've also seen many metallic balls in the sky and watched them just disappear. Like they where whiped away in mid day
sue (guest)
5 years ago (2019-10-06)
need to share
Driving towards a place of past
See a cloud of white filling my whole view
It wants me to drive through
I slow down and see its intensity
Its the whole infront of me
I feel love
And then it's gone
And I'm gratefull for what just happened
Little Pat 451 (guest)
5 years ago (2019-02-16)
My very best wishes
For you.
I'm happy for you.
Many never experienced
It that way.
From my wayward dummy experience, I do urge you to remember it daily...
Little Pat 451 (guest)
5 years ago (2019-02-16)
Isn't it wonderful!?
I appreciate you
And I relate dude...
More Will Come!
Please don't lose sight
Of what happened...
Habitual recall of
The Presence...
Surrendering again and again...
Every day will be different...
Sometimes the quite killed me.
I wanted it again.
There were tons of smaller moments... But impatiently
I began to wonder if it would ever happen again.
I got cocky and left the Fellowship... It cost me dearly... But years were building in another sobriety...
And it happened again.
Just when I was certain it wouldn't... Prayer meditation ego abandonment others others others... I've had two magnificent white light experiences and two minor clairvoyance and two major events.

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