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Awakening After Five Years Of Depression As A Child


Since seventh grade I've been dealing with bullies. I remember how much I hated to go to school every single day. Every time I stepped on the school campus I felt dread rise within me as if I was being stabbed in the heart all over again. I was bullied for two years, and it wasn't just one bully, I had over thirty of them. For the past two years I felt trampled on, violated, and abused. Being in that kind of environment dragged me down. I felt robbed from my child hood as an emerging teenager. I fell into a deep depression.

I thought life would get better when I graduated from junior high, since I got accepted to an art high school in Santa Anna, CA. It did get a little better. I had no bullies at all. Sure I had some people who didn't like me, but it wasn't as bad as junior high. I was still depressed. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I should be happy, but I wasn't. The abuse I endured as a teen haunted me for three years prior, and I wasn't even consciously aware of it. No one knew that I was depressed except for my mom due to my secretive nature. It wasn't until I was a senior, when I suddenly experienced a new spiritual awakening.

It happened in the middle of night. I was deeply depressed for some reason. I couldn't take the pain and suffering any longer, my thoughts just suddenly stopped. I felt my heart beat softly against my chest and I was focusing on my breathing. I felt a bunch of energy rise within me. I suddenly felt joy and ecstasy rise from within me as well, it was so powerful too. I began to feel goosebumps all over my body.

I felt more than human. I felt so happy. I didn't know why I did, nothing happened at all. It was just as it IS. I got out of my bed and started to dance. I knew then, that all the pain that I have been dealing with for five years just melted away and disappeared. Tears of joy ran down my eyes. I no longer had thoughts of regret or hate. I began to forgive everyone who abused me and treated me inhumanly from the past. My heart was filled with love, peace and gratitude for the first time. It was the most powerful experience I ever had!

Ever since then, my life started to blossom, I had my first kiss, I finished writing my fist novel, I graduated form my art High School in '08 and I made a lot of new friends. I began to live life with love, peace and gratitude. I am now interested in expanding further in my spiritual journey and reading Eckhart Tolle books. I live life awakening even further each and every day.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, PsiKid, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

Ponali (2 posts)
14 years ago (2010-04-13)
I have felt that joy. It is the essence of who we truly are. This calling is no accident. You are meant to feel this love. I will not lie to you. It takes long to attain and enters suddenly when you least expect it. You must chase this opportunity through meditation. It has been the only thing I truly live for. I would suggest these practices: Kriya Yoga: communion with God. Buddhism: the attainment of enlightenment by detaching yourself from mundane materialism. All forms of yoga. When you start your journey, know that you earn what you work for and don't stop the search or you will lose it. If you need any advise, ask me. I am thrilled to guide you to the nectar of life.
Gel72 (2 posts)
15 years ago (2009-06-11)
Thank you for sharing PsiKid. I know exactly what you mean. A feeling of complete joy, happiness and warmth enveloping you from your toes to the ends of your hair! Impossible to stay in bed. I myself had to get up and write (good luck with the novel:) pure energy flowing through my right arm to the pencil. I will publish a full account soon. Keep on keeping on 😁
Martin (29 posts) mod
15 years ago (2009-06-10)
Thanks for the story PsiKid, it was very moving. What a rough time you must have had in high school 😢 And yes, although you may not need it as much as everyone else, I highly suggest you read Eckhart Tolle's books. He talks about experiences such as yours, and how to attain them.

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