I remember one time when I was in kindergarten, and my teacher was angry at me for some particular reason. She kept telling me "Who do you think you are?" She was staring at me with anger in her eyes, waiting impatiently for me to respond. Personally, I've always found that question disturbing, even as an adult. How do I tell her who I am? I never viewed myself as anything or any one thing. I just am. I asked her what she meant, and she looked at me as if I was stupid. Who am I suppose to be? What am I suppose to tell her? I didn't like the idea of trying to be something. I didn't want to be anything, but who I really am. I am just being.
As I grew into an emerging teenager I began to try to find myself. Who I thought I was, or who I thought I wanted to be. What the teacher said in kindergarten really affected me. I went through a lot of phases. I tried to be a skater, then emo, and then screemo. Those didn't fit me. I never did like trying to BE something. I felt obligated to do so anyway.
Then I fell into depression. It wasn't until my first awakening in my senior year of high school that I began to truly find out who I am.
I began to realize that I am more then just human. I am much more then what I do or what I have. I am more then an artist and a writer. This realization was really enlightening. I don't have to "fit in" or try to be something. I just am. I no longer have unrealistic expectations of myself. I live my life being as I am, nothing less or more. I began to feel connected to everything around me. I viewed my fellow humans as I viewed my self. I felt at one with everyone and everything. This was a life changing experience. I began to feel more compassion and love for every single being on this earth. I finally knew what it was like to look at the world though the eye of a child. I was finally free from attachment and the world's ideas of who you are and its own illusions.
I begin to love life as it IS, and it is very liberating. It's very liberating to not care anymore about who you are, or try to be. It's even more liberating when you no longer care about protecting that image, and caring to much about what other people think of you. I just am, and that's all I will ever be.