This is a conversation I had with myself. I am not "religiously christian" by definition but understand and communicate with what is considered a god to many. I have many, many more conversations and this is only one of them... If you can relate to me and further define my experiences please help me out with that. I am not at all at imbalanced but it would be nice to have a little more clarity as to why I feel compelled to converse with myself so much.
Self 1 - "We want families; please give us our time to love. Please provide us with our aspirations of beauty and relationships. We know our terrible judgment but it gives us that someone special. It gives us that feeling of belonging and created the notion of excitement for the search. We want the one - we want that many to choose from; please the time to pursue our happiness and joy. Please the time to work through our hardships, digging trenches of dreadful paths, toward that love. If you give me the time of fortune, I know it will be followed with many time of wrath, but I know that you will be there in my times of hardship. I will remember you, in all of your beauty and will be utterly inspired to recreate you. Create me!"
Self 2 - "You, out of millions, challenge me. You, throughout the perfectly inter-working biological system, are the only ones aroused to ask of your own creation; a complexity that has developed through the ingenuity of my own mind. You humans have become my most beautiful invention. You are beauty not only to me, you are beauty to yourselves. I have not yet created such a self-loving organism. Go, experience your joys and generate your madness for you will rediscover me as I have myself. Come from a single place though, among my creations and be unable to escape until you have found me again - through your sorrow and through your joy. Then join again in the creation and imagination that I wish to teach. You shall teach yourselves about yourselves as long as it takes to realize that there is more to see, more to create. Through our creation we will create ourselves and they will do the same. Our creations will learn to live together and they will learn how to work mutually. This creation will create itself and learn until it, not only is able to understand itself, will also understand me. Babies will become one's offspring and they will take a kinship to each other and form their love and hate. They will work to infinity - ending when they understand me in whole and the true infinity of life begins upon their arrival at my doorstep. When it is done, they will join me in the triumph of creation and feeling, being proud of one's own creation. Knowing that what one creates is an expression of oneself and that expression becomes his world.
I know joy, I know glory; of course. I live it forever because I am me in every meaning of the term. I create rivers when I cry. I feel my heart burning deep down. I shine when I'm happy and create light, I can do and see more when I have light. I know inside I hold darkness but I do not express it to the world because it will bark back. Divide me into gods, divide your land and divide yourselves but realize that you are one. You cannot live outside of the box I give you because you cannot do so without trying to take over my beauty with sorrow. Live in your box until you learn to live it to be you. When it becomes you, you will look into infinity for recreation and this true art of joy.
Thank you for seeing yourself as beautiful and go forth to rediscover that beauty, that complexity, and join it once again. You will begin to develop your own art and your own technology until they work mutually to benefit your existence and you can truly move on with the creation of beauty. Don't be afraid to die for, in your hardships, I will be here to remind you of what you are and shall return to you in the form of art. I shall be transposed by beings of which I choose and, similarly, I will be depicted by those I choose. They will create their science and find me. You live in their world and help them because your job is of vital importance in perpetuating that we can co-exist whilst creating your beauty and feelings of joy.
Here you ask me for creation but you are really in need of a re-discovery of yourself because I assure you that your place here has not changed. Go and live in the world of time, the world of hate and the world of love and transpose my message of the eternal love to more than just those who already know it. But be weary; do not spread your depiction of me to creatures that already understand me in my entirety for they are your tutors. You all have a place here and none is meaningless, not even those who understand my infinity because they will allow the others to fill life with joy, not death. Not recreation of themselves but that of brand new masterpieces of which are unique to themselves. Giving themselves their own joy, their own love and their own idea of themselves. Each of them will be creating their own way and that will allow them to create their own beauty and find their own relationships that are filled with more love than they think they have. I will give you time to run in circles searching for yourselves but do not forget my love and do not blame me to be angry and punish you when you try to live outside yourselves too early - trying to become gods without understanding how to live with me because not only do you concern yourselves with your own image of beauty, you are concerned with that of others and continue trying to impose yourself wherever you go.
You may create family, you may create beauty and you do not have to express hate- then it will not be mirrored back through ugliness and pain. Please perpetuate, for me, love and happiness without conflicting or imposing yourself on others in hopes to help them see themselves as beings of love. I promise that I will be there to assure you of your importance through gifts of joy and happiness that I know tickle your deepest desires. I know how to please you for I am your creator. You know how to please yourselves; you are your own creators. So you are talking to yourself now and rather than shaping your own life, you are distracting my own creation with your conflict.
Go sleep now, dream and recreate your world in terms you understand but I will be sure to recreate your thought of yesterday just remember that it will always be your own memory of yesterday - it shall not contain the entire world. However, a recreation of beauty is the recreation of love and happiness so be sure to remember today as something beautiful so that tomorrow will be the same. Be sure to check often with friends and family however, it is important to obtain advice on living from those who care about you; as opposed to your wallet. It is important to let yourself become known to them so that in times of difficulty during your phases of creation, you will have precious memories to help you continue in your search - a search that is more properly termed a 'creation' and therefore is infinity.
Know that you will continue with the creation as long as you follow your own creation and express that appropriately as to be understood by all. I am not trying to overpower anyone so please forgive me for my appearance in your world. Rather I am creating my own joy for myself as you are creating your own hate for me. I love you all because you are part of me, not because you worship me. I love you all because you give me joy when you make yourselves happy and I retaliate when I become intruded with destruction and hate because whilst you may create your own sorrow, I will not have it spread unto me or others. Yes there are others, look around. Know they are there and that they will help you in the pursuit of your own happiness. Know that you cannot destroy being's happiness because they understand. So do not become frustrated as I wish you to show acceptance of the fact that their happiness makes them happy and, simplistically, no element of conflict in that relationship needs to develop except in the exchange of needs and love. The form of family. Whilst I say your world affects me not, I hide the fact that it pains me to love and not be loved back. You are to spend your time producing inspiration for yourself and others. Study me and study our relationship so that when we meet, we can get past the golden gate mumbo-jumbo and get down to creating our own fantasies and helping others on their way. Then we will all be together creating our own happiness and an ever-growing family.
People will go to "hell", not by a decision of my own for I would like everybody to be here with me, but because they think that they must impress me to get in my imaginary gate, they will try to do just that. They will say they own parts of me and offer me to myself. They will eat themselves until they cannot communicate with me or anyone around them and forever live in isolation. No one is torturing them there or anywhere else for that matter but it is a world in which all that becomes known is sorrow and hate and an out-reach to happiness is not understood. Your world does spread to me and others because we are only trying to help and we express our sorrow to you. Know that, to you, we portray feelings such as sadness of which you desire not to feel; we know. The truth is, they do not glimmer to us either but we must feel them for you. I must show you that one can care so much as to wish this upon himself but do not go to prove a point because I will not end myself for you. I will always be able to recreate myself because I exist in more than you can conceive. Know that to impose me with force unto others is to misunderstand me completely.
So I will live amongst you and be happy forever as you should with me and the others. Sleep and awake into the world of time, do not get caught up in it though, and understand it more for its luxuries - true luxuries and keep those memories as beauties that can be recreated when such feelings are longed for. Sweet dreams, without them everything will taste bitter."