I'm new to this site and here because I'm looking for any insight into some experiences I've been having over the last 10 years. I've always brushed them off as anxiety or panic attacks until my most recent one- it was so intense that I can't ignore it. I was listening to a gospel performance artist and quite enjoying my brunch when out of nowhere the music began to affect me so much (specifically the bass notes and vibrations) that I felt as if I was going to faint! All I could think to do was close my eyes and breathe through the experience and hope that the song would end soon. Id like to note that this was not a religious gospel ceremony, just a performance artist /singer with gospel influences.
I feel I am very spiritual, but do not subscribe to any particular organized religion. It was very difficult for me to keep it together in this room full of people and this is not the first time something like this has happened.
I've experienced this from sunsets, concerts, and other group organized functions such as picket lines and prayer circles in an AA meeting that I went to in order to support my friends sobriety. In case you're not familiar at the end of AA meetings everyone stands in a circle, holds hands, and says the "serenity prayer"... It is nearly impossible for me to handle the "energy" in a group prayer without having difficulty breathing and almost blacking out, so I have to let go of their hands (which adds to the frustration cause I feel rude not taking part in it.) Same thing with the performance artist event... I feel as if I cannot handle the unified energy of the room while at the same time I can't very well up and leave in the middle of a performance, even though I feel like I'm about to black out.
I suppose it's also important to note that it's not like I'm "working myself up" with thoughts of anxiety or anything else. It's like one second I'm happy an comfortable and the next I'm overwhelmed with vibrations and energies that my body/soul can't handle.
One of the things that confuses me most is that I FEEL like this is some sort of positive spiritual experience but I've an inability to let it flow THROUGH me in a positive and healthy manner.
Does anyone have or have heard of anything similar? Any advice or anyone I should speak to about this? Is it a "spiritual experience"?Any recommended reading or research? Anything at all really?!? As I get older it gets stronger and I don't want to pretend it doesn't happen anymore.
Please write back with any thoughts you may have.