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Real Spiritual Experiences

My Soul's Salvation


I first want to start by saying, I have never really considered myself to be a very spiritual person. Although I do believe in God, my relationship with Him is not what it should be. I was raised in church and my father is preacher, so I do know a little something about God. I just don't go to church and pray as I should.

To start at the beginning, I am 39 years old and during my lifetime, I have had some really bad experiences when it come to men. I was molested as a child, raped when I was a teenager, mentally and physically abused when I was married. Due to low self-esteem issues and having a need to be loved, I made all the wrong choices when it came to men.

A little over two years ago, I started a relationship with this guy that I have somewhat known for a couple of years. At the time that we started seeing one another we both were going through some things. I was trying to get my life together, and he was experiencing problems in his marriage. In fact him and his wife were separated but he went back home because she got sick and he didn't want to leave her at time, when she was down. He never lied to me about his situation and he never made me any promises. I knew it was wrong for me to get involved with this man but I did any way.

This man came into my life, and he helped me. He helped me with my kids, he helped me financially, emotionally, he encouraged me to go back to school, and most of all he encouraged me to strengthen my relationship with God. So I began to pray and read my bible. The more I prayed and read my bible, the more I began to feel convicted for the relationship that I had developed with this man. In fact, I started to feel so bad I knew I had to end the relationship. But rather than end the relationship, I stopped praying and reading my bible. I had fallen in love with this man and I did not want to give him up because he was everything I had prayed for and wanted in man except available.

Which brings me to my experience. Sunday, April 12th, I was home alone watching tv and the thought ran across my mind that I always seem to spend the holidays alone. Although, this man had taken me out the night before to make up for not being able to spend Easter with me, it wasn't enough. At that moment I knew what I had to do because what I wanted this man could not provide. I tried to push the thought of ending it with this man out of my head by doing some homework. I began writing a paper on dissociative disorders, but I was unable to focus on what I was writing. In my head, I kept hearing a man's voice telling me what to say to this man and to trust and believe in Jesus that this man would understand. I tried to run from what was going on, so I went into my bedroom. In my bedroom, I started to see vision of destruction. I remember seeing myself lose everything that I had and even harm coming to this man. The next thing I remember after that is telling God, You win, I give up, I'm giving my life to You.

No sooner than I had said that, I started feel something trying to persuade me to kill myself. I remember arguing saying, I'm not going to kill myself. No, I wont do it. Then I remember taking the bullets out of my pistol and saying I love Jesus and I believe in His word. Then I went back to front of my apartment, called this man and I told him that "I have to get Jesus in my life, and I promised God that I would let him go." So I let him go, once I did that I heard a voice say, "Believe and trust in Jesus and you will have everything you always wanted. He will come back to you, he needs some time to think about what it is he wants and you need time to get yourself together." I then saw a vision of myself, that man, and children standing out in front of a house, happy.

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Comments about this spiritual experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Ladybug, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

mgtorres (guest)
14 years ago (2009-05-11)
I believe things happen for reason. People will come into our lives and it could be for one moment but in that moment they have either answered a prayer or have made bigger impacts in ones lives. This man was meant to cross your path to help you heal and feel the love you longed for. He just was not meant to stay once his job was done. God has reminded you that his door has always been open do not doubt him nor ignore him for his is the power and love and salvation in your life. I can relate as I too had fallen in love with someone who was not meant for me but was only part of my life to solve my problems and help me find my direction to my next journey. Take what you have learned from him and use it for your strength to move forward and you will see where your next journey will begin. Have faith and you will find happiness. May God continue to bless you and your family.
foreverhisandonlyhis (6 posts)
14 years ago (2009-05-05)
That's spectacular that God helped you. I just switched back to believing in God. It's helped me through so mcuh. He helped me and my boyfriend that we did not think would happen... I made a promise to him, and I promised to keep it for the rest of my life.
Nataszha (guest)
14 years ago (2009-04-24)
Dear Ladybug, I can feel your dilema and have experienced similar situations and emotions. My opinion stands firm with the other opinions below. If you are involved with someone who is in another relationship there will be continuous dissharmonies and imbalance. You need to give eachother all you have, and one person can not split their focus between two people.
Skylark (guest)
14 years ago (2009-04-22)
Ladybug, I agree with Vagabondfaith. It would help if you had friends and people around you who feel and believe as you do. I also agree that when we give our lives over to Jesus, the struggles with evil do not end; sometimes they even get worse because the devil is losing you and tries to get you back. One thing I have learned is that when you give up something you know is not good for you, God will reward you for it. Many times the reward comes very quickly so that we know for sure Who it comes from! Please know that you are in my prayers and that you have friends here!
vagabondfaith (guest)
14 years ago (2009-04-21)
That is a very great experience and I lived with you through what you wrote. My comment would be though, the fight between good and evil goes on. With Christ we can do all things good and without Him anything bad. There are temptations every day to do bad things and make wrong choices. You need prayer warriors to pray for you. It will be hard to make it on your own. Please find some believers who can help you and fellowship with you and your family. You need a good shepherd be he priest or pastor to give you solid Biblical advice. That advice is the word of God. I will pray for you now that God's will be done. He knows best even if it does not seem so to us. Thy will be done we say in the famous Lord's prayer. Pray that prayer now slowly and believe it and you will be fine and then look around for what God puts in your way. The Devil will also try a few tricks so be on your toes. God bless and Peace!

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