I had a dream in September of 2000 that changed my life and that I routinely reflect on during difficult times in my life. At the time that I had this dream, I was living in my old college town and I was very poor, didn't have any money and was looking for a better job. I was using one card to pay for another and another card to pay my rent. I was also living in an apartment complex that was infested with roaches and I had to put all my plates, forks and cups in big freezer bags so that the roaches could not get to them. To make matters worse, my boyfriend of five years had cheated on me and said he didn't love me anymore.
So, my situation was pretty bleak at that time and I was going through a depression as well due to my situation and the fact that I was not getting paid well for a dangerous job that I had working in a group home with juvenile offenders. There was not much on television, so I resorted to reading the Bible. I had been brought up in the church and I believed I was a Christian, but I had never actually read the bible and had been turned off by those who said they were Christian and did not act like one. I was introduced to crystals, Buddhism, Islam, agnosticism and New Age as a teenager and went through a bout of not knowing what I wanted to believe... I just wanted to be happy and not depressed. None of the things I read about New Age and Buddhism really ever helped me.
So, I decided that I would turn to God and start reading the Bible seriously again. I started with Matthew, because John confused me with the first sentence, that Jesus "was the Word" Matthew spoke to my spirit especially when I read Matthew 8:13 when he said "Just as you BELIEVE it will be done for you" I thought to myself, is that it? Is that all I have to do...believe? Well, I can do that. I decided that I could believe, I did believe and somehow faith came to me. Mind you, this had been the most bible reading I had ever done in my life. I had not read Revelations at this point in my life which is significant when I tell you my dream.
Later that night, I prayed fervently in my heart that I would be able to know, to see the Lord and I started to sing his name. I felt stupid at first, but I was alone so I kept saying Jesus in a good way, praising him with faith that he would change my situation. I felt a warmth around me which I had done in the past (I had some other experiences which I will have to write about later). I went to sleep and the next thing I know is I heard a loud sound, like ten thousand cracks of thunder and I fell to my face, prostrate on the hard dirt ground. I didn't know that I was dreaming, it seemed so real. Then I hear people in the background shouting, cursing, cussing and I turned and looked behind me to see these people standing raising their fists in rebellion. I was in total fear, I could only see their silhouettes. Then I looked ahead, I was still prostrated, I looked up and saw the eyes of Jesus. I saw the silhouette of his face, but the only detail I saw were his eyes. It wasn't light out or dark, it was hard to explain... It was like the light before the sun rises or sets... purple. Anyway, His eyes looked upon the people, not upon me and the first feeling I got was his wrath/anger...then as I continued to look at His gorgeous eyes, I saw sadness and a great love for the people. I was thinking, Dear God please don't let me go to hell.
And like a blink of an eye, I found myself in a garden. I could see so clearly the blades of grass, they shined and I saw a pagoda and white flowers and trees. Then I saw Jesus gliding in a white robe in a praying stance. I couldn't see his details. But I remember I was so happy to be in heaven with him.
As a note, about a year later, I was living with my father and a show was on about the garden of Gesemeny and when they showed the picture of it I almost fell out of the couch. It was the same scene (without the pagoda) in my dream. I told my dad (he isn't a believer) and he looked at me like I was crazy.