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A Strange Life From Beginning To


So I am going to try and write a short version of my life story as it relates to spirituality and how its power is kept from us by the world today. Of course most of you reading probably understand that nothing of importance can really be kept from us and that if we work towards growing for the greatest good of everything everywhere we will always be provided for. That being said I think there are a great number of people world wide who feel trapped. They feel as though they are alone with their crazy ideas about the world. They are scared to talk to one another about their unconventional ideas and are growing more and more depressed. The reason I think this is because I was one of these people.

I grew up in a very average home. My parents were not overly religious nor spiritual. They treated us well and loved us and always did what they thought was best. Unfortunately they had a narrow view of the world and reality as most Americans still do and therefore what was best for them probably delayed my spiritual development. Not the worst thing in the world I know, but the day to day growing up sure wasn't lots of fun. Like so many I felt there was something wrong. I did not know what but I was sure I was right while others were wrong.

When I was six I began seeing myself walk down hallways. I remember having philosophical thoughts such as "am I going to sleep or waking up when I go to bed?" at the age only five or so. My mother used to find me talking to things I saw and began having me see doctors and take "medication" Terrifying as a seven year old to spend your dark winter evenings in the basement of a hospital with a strange man asking you scary questions and giving you special candy to help make you like the other kids. This was the early eighties. My uncle had apparently helped to develop one of the world first psychotropic drugs, Lithium. As I grew up I was in and out of Doctors, pressured into schools more appropriate to a kid like me. No one would tell me what type of kid they thought I was. I had to assume they thought I was insane by the way I was treated.

I never learned to get along well in groups and preferred to being around only one or two people at a time. I got attacked by kids a few times when young and was always able to fend them off with little to no effort even though I was smaller. I never threw punches I simply seemed to know what I now understand is a simple form of Ju Jitsu. Kids left me alone for years until a new kid to school decided I was his punching bag and for some reason I never fought it. I used to let myself get beat up every week for two years. My mother had explained his older brothers beat him up and he was just taking it out on me, not to take it personally. It was hard to do when you get thrown down a flight of stairs in front of your first schoolyard crush. I never fought back though. I just retreated further into my dream world. I became miserable and suicidal for years.

When I left home for College I was not nearly prepared to care for myself in the world. I got into all sorts of trouble and got even worse. I was put on more drugs by the doctors and diagnosed as a bi-polar manic depressive schizophrenic. I've had people tell me that can't even be a real diagnosis but I assure you that's what I became labeled. I struggled for years to be happy even on their pills and ran from myself as often as I could. Until I finally just got tired of it all and began to embrace my weirdness. Stopped suffering from insanity and began enjoying every minute of it. I began to investigate myself on my own terms and in my own ways and eventually found a few others who were doing the same.

I had never heard of things like yoga, Thai Chi, Meditation, etc. I then meet a young women my age who was able to explain all the crazy thoughts I was having. She had explanations for my questions and was able to help me come to grips with being a spiritual light. I learned that I am naturally gifted just by being here. That I have a great ability and purpose and that the world has plenty of room for freaks like me.

I continued to journey down this new path and had many strange and unexplainable experiences. I began, to what I now know as, tuning in to new frequency. Entertaining new thoughts and possibilities about the very fabric of nature and reality. Where as before I felt darkness in my Church growing up now I understood why. I knew now that following "God's word" blindly was certainly not the way and that no amount of guilt would make me feel different. I also learned that I would never accept guilt again. That it is a sickness and can be avoided. I learned that beauty is great and does not need to be understood to be appreciated. I learned that I knew everything I would ever need or desire knowing. I learned that I am infinite and that only the fabric of this reality can hold me back. I also learned that from time to time I can completely leave this reality behind and move on to higher dimensions of consciousness. That the purpose is not to exist in that eternal enlightenment as we are always a part of it. The purpose is to assist others to find their way into the light as well. Once we have taught all creatures who awaken to embrace the light only then can we return. We have made a choice to be here in this material realm during this time and have awakened again so quickly that it is obvious to me our goal is not enlightenment for ourselves as it was for our "ancestors".

Our Goal, as I have understood it, is World Wide Consciousness and evolution preparing us for our trip into the next age of human existence. At least that's where I lay my faith. I have experienced the serpent fire run my spine and open my crown to the highest lights and after years of rebuilding myself and retrieving the messages that were gifted to me I have complete faith in our abilities to awaken every soul and bring into light all creatures. Our true ancestors are always present to guide us and will return home shortly to help us finish our mission here as well as to guide us all into our Collective destiny. Love be to all and thank you for sharing your time with me! Sincerely, Dawn a Yellow Crystal Warrior 44

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Comments about this spiritual experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Dwarrior44, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

Timfaraos (131 posts)
9 years ago (2015-01-24)
JESUS said: 'I am the way, the truth and the life. He who follows me will not walk in darkness, but will find the light of life!'
AnandaHya (guest)
13 years ago (2011-02-04)
I don't know I was never diagnosed with any mental illness, because I never told people about my experiences. I tried to share it with the sister site "psychics and mediums" but was told I was crazy and needed to be committed into an asylum.

I realized that was God way of telling me I was talking to the wrong group of people. I can't take God or the Divine out of my testimony of my life and that makes people who do not love the light get mad at me.

I'm sad, I don't know if I am sane or not, but even if I am crazy as a loon I would still be able to help people by listening to their troubles and sending them love and faith and praying for them. If being sane means to stop caring about others, justifying meanness and pettiness then I guess I prefer insanity.

I would rather love the world and pray for everyone to find the Divine and world conciousness and all sentinent beings working together.

Peace, light and love

helen_kit_chi (1 stories) (13 posts)
13 years ago (2011-01-28)

I think you said it very well what I found to be also my goal - of preparing for World Wide Consciousness and helping others.

I also share some of your experience of 'weirdness' while growing up, but with one major difference - there was no psychiatric intervention whosoever. If you would read the story I posted, you can see how it might have been for you without drugs and spending dark winters in the basement of hospitals. I was free to fall into the dark pit and then pulled myself out all by myself. It was not easy for me either. As you said, your parents did what they thought was best for you. So was mine.

Years afterward, I have come to the understanding that dark periods and struggles early in life are hallmarks for people like us. And I have learned to embrace those difficult experiences.

I think part of our goal on earth is to erase the sins of the times (sufferings caused by ignorance of God\Spirit). And in order to do that, we have to experience some of the chaos and sufferings ourselves. And your having experienced the psychiatric treatments yourself perhaps put you at the forefront of helping others with similar experiences.

I have long believed that spiritual growth (through meditation, etc), is the long-term solution to the so many 'psychiatric problems' people are experiencing these days. I am not saying there is no value to psychiatric drugs. But I see them as short-term fix in elevating symptoms only. I think the 'psychiatric problems' people are experiencing are really symptomatic of people's readiness and increasing yearning for spirit and the experience of the Light of God.

My enlightenment spiritual experience had immediately and permanently burned away my deep depression. It was as if my brain and all the chemicals in my body was completely renewed in a flash. I think the scientific community, especially psychiatry, need to study people's enlightenment experiences more closely.

Love and Light to you and all.
JosephRex (1 stories) (8 posts)
13 years ago (2011-01-20)
Hello, Dawn Warrior. Congratulations on coming out on the topside of what is sometimes a fine line between spiritual exaltation and madness. I am also a veteran of this dharma war; in my case I was able to refuse the drugs, but I know that not everyone is so fortunate in this challenging situation.

Inborn gifts of spirit, soul-expansion, and psychic powers are not appreciated in today's world ~ there's no room for them in the worldview of physical science and self-seeking materialism. So when such abilities manifest in children, they are seen as pathological and squelched with scorn and medication, instead of being welcomed and supported as they were in most past cultures.

I'd be very interested in hearing more of the details of some of the experiences you mentioned in passing ~ for instance, when you said:

<<< I also learned that from time to time I can completely leave this reality behind and move on to higher dimensions of consciousness. >>>

And: <<< I have experienced the serpent fire run my spine and open my crown to the highest lights >>>

I have a website with a sector devoted to information and resources for people dealing with the challenges of psychospiritual experience ~ it's called *Soul Healing*, using the German word *Seelenheil*, which also means "Salvation":

Best wishes for ever-expanding enlightenment!
NaturalScience (3 stories) (110 posts)
13 years ago (2011-01-18)
I was put in some psychiatric centre for assessment when I was ten.
Before that, I was normal. Afterwards I had a shock for life.
This is what modern psychiatry can do to people even without drugging them. Freedom of thought still is far away from our daily reality.
In fact it is hypocritical to affirm we have this freedom as long as we all are kept half-drunk day after day by the mental junk, the ads, soaps etc., that runs on T.V. All this buy-and-spend-money propaganda should be entirely stopped and then, governments and churches, wait and see what modern humans REALLY can achieve, by their own creative minds, without being made stupid by this non-chemical sedative pill!

As to you, thank God for still being sane, after all this insane treatment and all this bewitching prejudice against you.
Greetings in Solidarity!
IwanttoHelp (32 posts)
13 years ago (2011-01-17)
I'm a teenager, but when I was younger and still, before going to sleep I had philosophical thoughts. I was afraid of sleeping and waking up in nothingness. Thanks for sharing.

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