So I am going to try and write a short version of my life story as it relates to spirituality and how its power is kept from us by the world today. Of course most of you reading probably understand that nothing of importance can really be kept from us and that if we work towards growing for the greatest good of everything everywhere we will always be provided for. That being said I think there are a great number of people world wide who feel trapped. They feel as though they are alone with their crazy ideas about the world. They are scared to talk to one another about their unconventional ideas and are growing more and more depressed. The reason I think this is because I was one of these people.
I grew up in a very average home. My parents were not overly religious nor spiritual. They treated us well and loved us and always did what they thought was best. Unfortunately they had a narrow view of the world and reality as most Americans still do and therefore what was best for them probably delayed my spiritual development. Not the worst thing in the world I know, but the day to day growing up sure wasn't lots of fun. Like so many I felt there was something wrong. I did not know what but I was sure I was right while others were wrong.
When I was six I began seeing myself walk down hallways. I remember having philosophical thoughts such as "am I going to sleep or waking up when I go to bed?" at the age only five or so. My mother used to find me talking to things I saw and began having me see doctors and take "medication" Terrifying as a seven year old to spend your dark winter evenings in the basement of a hospital with a strange man asking you scary questions and giving you special candy to help make you like the other kids. This was the early eighties. My uncle had apparently helped to develop one of the world first psychotropic drugs, Lithium. As I grew up I was in and out of Doctors, pressured into schools more appropriate to a kid like me. No one would tell me what type of kid they thought I was. I had to assume they thought I was insane by the way I was treated.
I never learned to get along well in groups and preferred to being around only one or two people at a time. I got attacked by kids a few times when young and was always able to fend them off with little to no effort even though I was smaller. I never threw punches I simply seemed to know what I now understand is a simple form of Ju Jitsu. Kids left me alone for years until a new kid to school decided I was his punching bag and for some reason I never fought it. I used to let myself get beat up every week for two years. My mother had explained his older brothers beat him up and he was just taking it out on me, not to take it personally. It was hard to do when you get thrown down a flight of stairs in front of your first schoolyard crush. I never fought back though. I just retreated further into my dream world. I became miserable and suicidal for years.
When I left home for College I was not nearly prepared to care for myself in the world. I got into all sorts of trouble and got even worse. I was put on more drugs by the doctors and diagnosed as a bi-polar manic depressive schizophrenic. I've had people tell me that can't even be a real diagnosis but I assure you that's what I became labeled. I struggled for years to be happy even on their pills and ran from myself as often as I could. Until I finally just got tired of it all and began to embrace my weirdness. Stopped suffering from insanity and began enjoying every minute of it. I began to investigate myself on my own terms and in my own ways and eventually found a few others who were doing the same.
I had never heard of things like yoga, Thai Chi, Meditation, etc. I then meet a young women my age who was able to explain all the crazy thoughts I was having. She had explanations for my questions and was able to help me come to grips with being a spiritual light. I learned that I am naturally gifted just by being here. That I have a great ability and purpose and that the world has plenty of room for freaks like me.
I continued to journey down this new path and had many strange and unexplainable experiences. I began, to what I now know as, tuning in to new frequency. Entertaining new thoughts and possibilities about the very fabric of nature and reality. Where as before I felt darkness in my Church growing up now I understood why. I knew now that following "God's word" blindly was certainly not the way and that no amount of guilt would make me feel different. I also learned that I would never accept guilt again. That it is a sickness and can be avoided. I learned that beauty is great and does not need to be understood to be appreciated. I learned that I knew everything I would ever need or desire knowing. I learned that I am infinite and that only the fabric of this reality can hold me back. I also learned that from time to time I can completely leave this reality behind and move on to higher dimensions of consciousness. That the purpose is not to exist in that eternal enlightenment as we are always a part of it. The purpose is to assist others to find their way into the light as well. Once we have taught all creatures who awaken to embrace the light only then can we return. We have made a choice to be here in this material realm during this time and have awakened again so quickly that it is obvious to me our goal is not enlightenment for ourselves as it was for our "ancestors".
Our Goal, as I have understood it, is World Wide Consciousness and evolution preparing us for our trip into the next age of human existence. At least that's where I lay my faith. I have experienced the serpent fire run my spine and open my crown to the highest lights and after years of rebuilding myself and retrieving the messages that were gifted to me I have complete faith in our abilities to awaken every soul and bring into light all creatures. Our true ancestors are always present to guide us and will return home shortly to help us finish our mission here as well as to guide us all into our Collective destiny. Love be to all and thank you for sharing your time with me! Sincerely, Dawn a Yellow Crystal Warrior 44