I'm 32. I have always have been a angry, egoistic, restless kind of a woman since my childhood. I am not a religious kind of personality and not even much believe in rituals and dogmas. Before 3 years when I was in New Jersey, I had a strange experience. In my journey of seeking and searching I came across this web site. I read other people's experiences and got inspired to share mine. I am trying to tie that experience in words. Its very difficult to interpret as it is. I am not very good in English... Still going to try to convey in words. But I know its far more than just these words may say.
One day I was reading a book on Solitude on computer. It was a fresh morning. I was alone in the house. Slowly...slowly...my mind started to become calm and relaxed & I went in a heightened state of awareness where every thing was seeming one... Everything was connected to everything else. A sort of immense bliss was streaming throughout my entire being. I was feeling extreme love for everyone. My consciousness had become totally radiant and alive. It was great inner silence. Thoughts were there but not so frantic as they were used to be. Everything was seeming so beautiful... So clear... As if I had got a new vision... That I had never experienced it before. It was as if a child looking at the world first time... The fog of ego lifted up and the truth has revealed. It was the experience of total bliss, peace, power, content and much more than I could ever explain. The time had completely stopped for a while. I had a deep feeling... I have always been here for centuries and will always be here... I am home. Everything was just PERFECT as if some kind of mysterious puzzle has got solved. It was just as if everything happening around me is so "perfect and Precise"...Like Pythagoras Theorem or any other mathematical equation! This was first time I knew the meaning of PERFECTION in my life. I was experiencing a sense of vastness or limitlessness. I was feeling that I am God for short time... My body is mere a costume and I am beyond this costume... I am in everyone and everywhere at the same time... Everyone including trees, mountains, people are my projections wearing different costumes. I am endless. First time I was experiencing that... God is not in temple or church... He is not mere in the form of idols. He is in me and everyone and everywhere...that's it. He is formless. I can feel now with deep conviction that I KNOW GOD!
A person who has never eaten a chocolate in his lifetime since birth, how can we explain him in words "HOW DOES IT TASTE?"...I am in the same situation right now. Only personal experience mere can give a real TASTE.
It was immense joyous state without reason. I wished this state would never end. I was trying to hold it... But I couldn't. It lasted whole day (almost 6-7 hrs)...Very slowly it was fading away. I had no control on it. It had immense power to transform my life permanently. Till now though that experience has faded away completely, It has left its traces behind in my soul. It is just an unforgettable day in my life... Its 5 March 2008! Since then I celebrate this day just like festival.
Since that day I changed completely. My outlook has become more positive, less angry, less worried. That experience freed me permanently from past hurts. My nature has become more accepting, loving towards people and situations. Ego fluctuations do come, but do not rise to that peak like before. It loses its grip on me. The ego itself feels powerless. Whenever ego arises my awareness harness it & immediately I find the way to peace and things starts seeming perfect.
I feel compassion and love for everyone whom I was hating before. I try to see the positive side of the people. I do not get upset when people do wrong things. I tell myself "Forgive them, they haven't experienced God. They are behaving from their own level of awareness."
I have become more peaceful, efficient, confident and creative. I appreciate the beauty that surrounds me. I enjoy being myself. I do take care of my SELF and fulfill its needs.
I wish everybody in the world should get at least a glimpse of such experience in their journey. I am very grateful that I have had such experience.