This is very real and one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. It is also very personal for me. I hope I can find the right words to recount my experience. I have tried all of my 39 years to be religious including attending many churches. I have grappled constantly with whether or not there is a God. I gave up finally as I thought, a couple of years ago, deciding that all Churches are simply out for money. I became incredibly cynical about the notion of religion. My intellect convinced me that there wasn't a God and that was the end of that...
Recently, I have been under enormous changes and stress in my personal life. I reached the worst levels of despair that I have ever felt. We moved with our children to a new city away from our family and friends. We lost a baby three months into the pregnancy, couldn't find a house or any new friends, and things were just looking bleak.
So bleak that I was seriously considering if I could cope anymore with life. I realized that the levels of my despair were getting serious and I wondered if I could be acutely depressed. I began to get repetitive thoughts that I was "alone" in this world and that no-one loved me... I knew my husband loved me, but he was under stress himself and there were times where I just felt desolate... Until...
and this is it.
I was in my ensuite bathroom about to go to the loo (great place for an experience such as this one) when around the corner came a man. I couldn't "see" him. I could sense him and there was no doubt that someone had come into the bathroom. He was a fuzziness, an energy - like the pixels from off a tv set. He was a warmth. A calmness.
The man came and stood behind my left shoulder. He placed his right hand on my left shoulder. He said "I love You". As the message was given to me (it was non-verbal but made a clear visual imprint on my mind) a sense and a feeling of a pure, the most pure love filled me. It was almost golden, although I couldn't see it - I felt the most unconditional love I have ever felt.
I knew someone was there. I turned to them and actually said out aloud "I just wanted to say that I recognize you are there, and I want to thank you for coming all this way to tell me that". Because this person gave me the greatest gift, the most beautiful feeling I have ever received.
I felt the Hand on my shoulder for over two hours afterwards. There were two pressure points - one of the thumb and then the palm. I wasn't scared at all either - I thought it was really cool that He was reminding me that he had been there.
I felt immediately drawn to read my bible which I have not opened for 24 years. In fact I had to "find" it. I had an urgency to find it. I turned immediately to Corinthians, which my husband later told me is all about Love - perhaps a coincidence?
The word God up to this point had never stirred any feelings in me. Now, I "know" who God is.
I just "know".
I get it. I understand what this "love" is all about.
Anyway, I just wanted to share my experience in a safe place, because it was wonderful. I now know that I am not alone. I also know that I am loved.
Thanks for reading.