I am now 32 and I have been blessed by many life-altering experiences in my life. And I say life-altering because up until a few months ago I could not even utter myself saying the word spiritual and me in the same sentence. I have a big aversion to using terms like awakening or spirituality or God since these words are so often abused for power and profit. I consider myself a woman of science and highly educated, always looking for scientific explanations. But as of late I can no longer deny that I have had many spiritual experiences and awakenings. Slowly but surely I'm trying to come out of my spiritual-closet so to speak. I hope that someday soon I'll find the courage to share what I know with all my loved ones.
My first awakening was at the age of 15 when I was sitting on my balcony secretly smoking a cigarette. As I was staring at the night sky and the trees and this overwhelming feeling of oneness with the universe came over me. I knew right then and there that everything was all right and love. I saw the waving branches of the trees and I was them and I felt it, I was the stars I was everything and everywhere and we all were connected. I was in this heightened state of awareness. Other people on this site have described this feeling of oneness so accurately, and I'm terrible with words so I'll just leave it at this. This experience of oneness was so profound that it changed the way I looked at the world forever. I don't want to come across as an egomaniac because I'm all for letting go of the ego, but this experience gave me an edge on my peers. I never worried again what others might think of me cause that didn't have any meaning at all. I can go on forever about the implications of this experience. I just wish everyone would experience this at least once. I will even go so far as to say it was more profound than the birth of my first child. I know not to worry everything is perfect even though it's hard to remember I always try and force myself to be creative with the situation so I can see the perfection and the love.
But as I'm typing I remember another experience I had about a year before at the age of 14. It was a stressful time for me and I was very depressed, so much so that one day I was preparing myself to kill myself the next day. I was cleaning my room, picking out the clothes I wanted to wear in my casket and writing a goodbye letter. I was preparing for my death when all of a sudden out of nowhere my old cassette player was turned on and it started playing this interview with a girl saying: "Please don't kill yourself, don't do it, just don't". This was a tape recording from a Nirvana tribute radio show I recorded months earlier and it started playing by itself. I was across the room when it was switched on. This girl was begging to Kurt Cobain to not have killed himself but unfortunately he never got to hear her message. But I did... And I never tried to kill or harm myself again.
Oh boy I really got a little carried away there, but I'm basically here to talk about something else. Something so out of this world. I have googled and never have I come across a similar memory. A loved one was dying but I was so comforted by this memory and it gave so much peace. I didn't even recall this memory until I 'needed'? It which is around the time I heard he was dying. I'm 100% sure it's not a false or created memory but then again I'm not even sure if it was (just) a dream I had, maybe an NDE? I have no idea. The memory is there and its very vivid, comforting and very important.
I remember being in a space surrounded with light but the light isn't white it's multi-coloured. I am that light, I am the geometrical shapes in the light, no wait. The light, it's everything that was and will be, everyone, everything yet nothing is in it. I see my grandmother I see my uncle's spirit (they are still alive) We have something together. I can't recall what but we are here for something. I chose this. I'm here by my own choice. The feeling of peace and calm is overwhelming much more profound than my experience of the oneness. I'm at peace but I am the peace, I'm the love, I know all.
Per chance (as if...) I found out that my mother has a similar memory. We never discuss spiritual things, but this just came up. She talked about a light and my grandmothers and uncles spirit too. I got real excited but I couldn't bring myself to tell her yet.
Lately I have been remembering more and more, and sometimes I feel so uplifted it's like as something is trying to reach out to me to grab my hands and pull my out of myself. It sounds weird, but it's not as psychotic as you might think hahaha. I'm only describing this as I'm desperate to find people with similar experiences so I can discuss them and learn more. Please contact me of you have similar experiences. Just thinking about my experiences gets me on a natural high of gratefulness. This life is such a gift.