My husband and I had tried for 9 years to become pregnant - we'd resigned ourselves to the fact that it would never happen, then on September 9, 2009, it was confirmed with a doctor that we were indeed pregnant! We were so filler with joy and elated. We praised the Lord over and over again as we held each other and began dreaming up all the possibilities for our new child.
Two weeks after we found out the news, I began to bleed heavily. I went to the doctor on numerous occasions to see a strong and healthy heartbeat - on the 7th day, I was told my baby had no heartbeat and had passed away.
I took it so very hard (still am) and could not find the strength to move on - it's still so fresh and hard to deal with, but at Bible study the other night, I was told God had a message for me. I was taken aback thinking I could NEVER be special enough for God to speak to me (Yeah that was Satan talking on that one!). The messenger, Mack, a very Godly man who is open to the word, kneeled in front of me and took my right hand in his. He'd asked for 2 other witnesses to flank me and then he began to speak.
I didn't cry right away, I must admit I was afraid. I didn't know what was going to happen and the Devil kept peeping over my shoulder trying to steal the moment as he had been doing all day long on that particular day.
Suddenly, Mack said "God wants you to open your heart and open your mind, Meghan, and see this picture. Every time you feel like you can't go on or you're sad, he wants you to close your eyes and look at this picture. Your daughter is with God, Meghan, and she's ok..."
I had two bright flashes in my eyes that startled me - I didn't know what was going on physically... I desperately tried to open my heart and my mind - then I saw her. I saw the most beautiful child standing in front of the most sparkly river with palm trees surrounding it. She had caramel colored ashe brown hair, big blue eyes, a nose like mine and her father's and little teeth. The colors were all so brilliant and vibrant. I couldn't see Him, but I KNEW that God was standing to the right of me - I could FEEL him... As if he were watching the interaction between the two of us. My daughter radiated so much purity and light - she was gorgeous. She wasn't an infant, however, she looked to be around 2 years old - but somehow it just FIT. She smiled at me and I knew she was laughing although I couldn't hear her - I just knew it somehow.
Suddenly, a flash of my husband and I holding hands came into my mind and I knew it was her way of telling me that she knew we were her mommy and daddy. I also knew that she was telling me she'd be with us one day. She told me through my mind that she was with her Father and he was taking care of her (meaning God) and for a millisecond, I got a brief flash of her in the arms of the largest being - I could see no face, just huge, white billowy curtain like robes. Then I was in front of her again, and she was standing before the palm trees.
It was the single most amazing thing I have ever experienced.
I still have hard days, but they're not near as difficult as they once were. God has given me so much peace, strength and comfort throughout this whole thing - and this experience was such a HUGE honor. I miss my baby and I desperately want to hold her, but I know someday I will - and I can only hope that a healthy pregnancy is in the plans for my husband and I. Because we'll love that child more than anything and raise her or him in the eyes of the Lord.