When I was 14 Years of age I was diagnosed with Chronic Headaches. I would go weeks at time waking up with headache pain and falling asleep with it, usually stronger then when I awoke! My Dr. Prescribed me Elavil (Ampitriptyline) These medications helped a lot but I still had my ups and downs!
My Senior year of high school was hardest year for me! I was getting the headaches more frequently, and more intense! Instead of going back to the Dr. I let the negatives of my life get the best of me! I self pitied myself, and thought of the years to come as nothing but pain, every single day! I would ask God if I was going to have to fight this pain the rest of my life!
Month after month of pain, became heavy, and I began to sink. I told God I felt as if I was digging myself in a whole, I felt emotionally, I was digging my own Grave. Six months or more later I told God I could no longer see the light, I was in a whole and could not get out! I found myself sitting on the floor of my childhood bedroom, holding my pill bottle, craving death. I wanted so bad for the pain to end, I was locked in a cycle where I seen no other way out! Death was not really want I wanted, I just wanted the pain to end and things to start getting better! I felt as though I was stuck, lost, confused, and angry.
As I prayed for God to come back to my side, I could feel a warming feeling. A strong thought came to my Mind saying "Just one more day, keep going just one more day" Then I thought, "I can always do this tomorrow if nothing gets better!" I sat down the bottle and the glass of water. I wiped the tears, and dialed a friends step mother to ask about him! Maybe she heard it in my voice, but she asked if I was okay. Wanting to pour it out, I kept it in, saying, "I was fine." She told me she did not know how I felt about the Lord, but that he was always there to turn to shall I need him. I assured her I was good, and hung up.
It was that reminder that told me he is here, he is listing, it was a sign! The next few days where dull and depressing but when I started going to church with my mom, I told her what was going on, and she had my headache pain put on the prayer list. My Dr. up my dosage. And things began to look up! Two years later I fell in love and became pregnant (another story)! This experience was my first major spiritual growth. I felt as though, I fell into the darkness and lived to tell of it! I felt stronger, more accomplished, and could now understand why a person would kill themselves.
How the Darkness can over take a person and bring them down to nothing, when all they need to do is reach out, tell someone, find the light!