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All In One Day


I am a recovered drug and sex addict. I will try to make this as concise as possible, without leaving anything vital out. It was in April last year when, out of desperation, I attended a 12 step retreat. My life had become a broken, futile endeavor. Jobless, dependent on family -- I was powerless over drugs and paying for sex.

I began my 12 step process, not thinking that any power was listening as I prayed. My first step was an easy one -- my life was clearly unmanageable. In my second step, although I had not come to believe in a higher power, I became willing to believe that something out there could restore me to sanity. It was like a dry-run with God.

To the point -- I took a third step (no white light experience or anything), and I began a fearless and searching moral inventory. I wrote all the resentments, fears, and selfish sexual conduct that I could recall. Then I wrote what I thought my part in each instance was.

I read it to someone, and felt strangely lighter. There was a new freedom - but it was only a tease of what was to come.

I made several amends trips from this facility -- my first amends trip was a near-disaster; I paid for sex in downtown Boston. I had never met the young woman before. This is where is gets miraculous...

This young woman showed up at this retreat (a few hundred miles from Boston), a place few people had ever heard of! Imagine my discomfort, confusion, and sense of awe!

She comes to play again later in my story... I made several more amends trips from said facility, and arrived in a northern New England city where I am currently living in a sober environment.

I soon realized - and we are drawing close to the second miracle of my 12 step experience, the first I just described - that I was still obsessed with sex and drugs. My prayers were constant, then I received - some 5 days after I arrived here - a phone call from the next man on my amends list.

Desperate, horrified, and in full obsession, I left to make amends to that man the next day. The encounter was fairly nondescript; I was so desperate that, for the first time, I disclosed the nature of my sexual obsession with someone in my family. That was not something I would ever do, save for pain I was in. My poor mother listened as I told her how disgusted I was with myself.

On the way back to my sober living situation, it felt like I was hyperventilating... I arrived back here, and, in short order, I realized that EVERYTHING WAS DIFFERENT! It was as though my mind was on a higher plane; there was a peacefulness and gentle touch to all that was in and out of me. NO OBSESSION!

I've had my ups and downs since then, but obsession - for anything - is no longer part of my life. Here's the kicker...

That woman I met way back on my first amends trip just moved up here! I am - through prayer - struggling to know if I owe her an amends - I still don't know if she remembers our first encounter. The amends itself could bring her great embarrassment.

The age of miracles is not dead! I have goose-bumps as I write this...

God Bless You!

Open to being contacted -- myauntmaria [at] aol [dot] com

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, anonymous, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

vagabondfaith (49 stories) (90 posts)
15 years ago (2008-11-13)
The age of miracles is definitely not dead. Don't give up! You will come through with flying colours if you keep going. We can never be too bad for Jesus only too good. He died for my sins and for yours too and NOTHING is impossible for HIM. Only believe! God bless yo and he is. I pray for you right now that God will encourage you and strengthen you and give you His continuing peace which passes all understanding.

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