I was heading down I-74 west on what I call the "final stretch" back to IL. I was about 100 miles east of Champaign from Ann Arbor, MI. When I was pulled over for speeding! I had been driving since about 6am and now it was just about noon. I didn't realize I was speeding, but when the officer asked me if I knew why I was pulled over I said "No, sir. I have no idea..." He said I was going 87mph in a 65 mph zone and asked for my license and registration. I just renewed my license in MI so I had this temporary piece of paper in the back seat.
He asked me to get out the car and put my hands on the car! I felt like a criminal! He patted me down etc... He went into the car into my bags and I told him where the piece of paper that was my temp license was, he found it, etc. He said that he would be a few minutes and asked me to come into the police car, and decided to let me in front seat of the police car and wait with him. He asked me some questions about what I did etc.
I told him I had just graduated and was in the process of moving things here and there until the fall. He asked if I had any reason for going so fast and I said "no, I am so tired I didn't even realize I was speeding, sir. I just want to get back so I can clean out my house and finish moving out today, etc." He said he understood and that my record showed no history of traffic violations. I asked him how much the ticket was going to be. He said $250. Trying to be witty and talk my way out of it I told him I just graduated and was trying to save money. I asked him if there was some sort of payment plan, particularly because I was not in home state where my driver's license is registered. He said I seemed to be an honest young guy who made an mistake, but would have to pay the ticket to learn the lesson.
I tried and tried to talk my way out of it (which I think I am very good with). He thought I would be more mindful in the future. He said "today, son, I am going to have mercy on you. Do you believe in God?" I was SHOCKED! I carefully said "yes, sir I believe in God..." I was angry, and I said "Sir, what does God have to do with this ticket? Do you realize you are breeching my constitutional rights of separation of church and state? He said "yes, I know. Do you want to call and turn me in? Here is the number, do you have a cell phone on you? Call, go ahead, call". I was overwhelmed. I had no idea what was happening.
For the first time in my life, I let go of everything. I let go of every falsehood, every lie, every untruth. Everything in my life flashed before me in about 10 seconds. I am serious. It was unreal. I began to feel something in my body change, something was giving me the sensation of shaking, it felt like the earth was moving, all inside of me. He asked me if I was "saved..." I didn't know how to respond. I said, "well, according to my recollection of scripture when Jesus died on the cross he open the gates of heaven for human beings and freed us from our sin. Since we are all sinners, he saved us all then..."
The police officer said "forget I am an officer who just gave you a break, right now we're just two men in this car which happened to be a police cruiser and we are talking about eternal life. I asked you if you've been saved because that is the only way to heaven. You said you believed in God, and he believes in you. Right now, son, you are the enemy of God. Since God loves all of his enemies he loves you. The world is run by Satan, make no mistake. Satan is money, power, greed, desire for success, etc. Let me pull out my bible and share with you some verses of scripture..."
He proceeded to read from the book of John, and other gospels, particularly Luke and Matthew. I told him many things about my faith and that I had been questioning many things in life recently. I told him stories of my life and relationships that had gone well until a certain point and then were broken. I asked him if there was a way to be successful in life, relationships and love and still be "saved" as it were. He said yes, surrender your life to God. If he wants you to be successful doing whatever it is you are doing, you will. If not, you will be doing something else.
I spoke about a former teacher/friend who was one of the BIGGEST Christian people I knew, and was self proclaimed to be so. I asked how could this person hurt me so? How could this person/people like this lie to me, etc... I told him that I was angered and hurt by people in my life who had proclaimed themselves to be "Christian..." He said something very remarkable... He said "Son you worry about other people, and what they do... Why? Why don't you worry about you? God wants a relationship with YOU. He wants a relationship, one on one. Let God worry about all the other children he has in the world, but you son, worry about you..."
Right then all the inhibition I had about being in a police car with a man who was talking to me about being "saved" (which I am still unclear about) vanished. I saw him as a messenger. There is no doubt that this instance was not something that happened by chance. He could have given me the huge ticket and walked away. I believe that he believed with all of his heart what he was telling me. We talked in this cruiser for one hour! Complete strangers! Unreal.
There are many more things we talked about too, related to "being saved..." He told me he saw something special in me that I could touch people with. He said that I had a gift, greater than I knew. He saw this inside of me. He said that there is a large plan for you, you are chosen. I was dumbfounded... I didn't know what to think. He asked if I had something to do with the public, I said "yes..." He said he believed I moved people with what I did... I said "that is why I am a musician, I am not about me, but about the music only. When we become larger than what we "do" it is a tragedy. He said that there was a plan for some sort of past to manifest itself again, do deal with this. THIS IS NO COINCIDENCE. NONE. He saw all of this... I told him nothing, in fact, at the beginning I was quite defensive, until I gave in. He said that God is calling me, calling loudly. Calling to a chosen son... Chosen for something greater than I can know, but it will become clear... To trust him.
I am not so sure what the "being saved" part means yet. I am sure that this affirmed the fact that I need to do some work about faith, about prayer, and about "being saved..." The police officer and I prayed before we parted ways and he put his hand onto my heart and asked God to "lay his hands upon my spirit so it does not rest for one moment until I come to conclusions..."
My life has been upside down since. I have broken up a relationship with a significant other, moved out of my house, been somewhat homeless until I move into a new place in a week. I have somewhat re-connected with a person with whom I haven't spoken to in almost one year... I don't know what to think. I DO KNOW that this is something big, very big. I don't want to push any issues, etc. But I told this person with whom I had not been in contact for SO long that I planned on never talking to her again, for the rest of my life... The feelings I had/have for her really never died... Only put into some sort of closet or crawl space (literally, the phone number was found again in the crawl space when I was kind of packing in my parents house and I thought I threw it away) she is in another relationship and I think she could be happy, more or less... Maybe, or maybe not. This is crazy, but I am not. This is REAL. HUGE. God is manifesting himself in everything. He is not whispering, he is shouting, I feel like he is calling me out, to a child.
I was in bed with my head up to the ceiling, calling out audibly to God while burst into tears... Calling "I surrender, I surrender, I can't do this alone. Show me the way."
I heard him all back, saying "son, I have this under control..." Soon I will show you... You shall see...
I have this sense of living my life in TRUTH now. No more hiding. I feel good/scared about making myself vulnerable with someone from my past, but that is not happenstance. No way.
Long story... I know... But REAL. HUGE. I hope some close people, and distant too, are thinking about this... How could they not be? This has been enough to keep this man's mind working around the clock.