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Why am I Alive?


When I was young, small boy, I used to go into these trances-like state of mind. I would ask my self "why am I alive?". I would ponder on this question, eventually by concentrating on this question I would feel as if (very hard to explain) everything seemed surreal. I remember perhaps seeing my self or seeing a light. After these trances states I would feel very satisfied as if I had gained the knowledge in which I was seeking although, of course, I was unable to remember what it was. These states of mind happened on many occasions when I was young. One instance which my mother remembers very well was when I was brought to a sound proof room, as a very young child, to test the hearing in my ears. The room would give a pulse vibrating noise. Well, they came to the conclusion that I was deaf, because I did not even notice the pulse, but my mother knew better, she snapped me back to reality and did the test again. Sure enough my hearing was fine. Many years later, I have not been able to reach those states of mind that I had as a child, it feels as if my head is full of distractions, and responsibilities are clouding the clarity I once had. I know I can do it again, I just need to clear my mind. But it is easier said then done. Perhaps you have heard of similar scenario's with other people? My question is am I alone? Was this just a freak occurance or is this a psychic experience?

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Comments about this spiritual experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Triforce, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments but I won't participate in the discussion.

Pancake (guest)
14 years ago (2010-01-28)
I have had the exact same thing. When I think about it, it feels like I lost something like my mind is in dream kind of state all the time.
chuck (guest)
15 years ago (2009-10-31)
wow... I though I was the only the one in the world who suffers from this but now I know I'm not the only one... When I'm thinking about why am I alive or who am I really suddenly I freak out like I wanted help that I will do something not good to myself... I do not want to suffer from that kind but sometimes it just like poppin in my head... I don't know what is this experience that we all have... Any answers...
guest (guest)
15 years ago (2009-06-28)
To the post below me: I hear you, I know exactly how you feel because I feel the same way. I find it comforting when I meet people like myself, even if it is just an anonymous post on the internet, and I hope if you read this you feel somewhat comforted too.
If it weren't for the fact that I would be causing other people a great deal of pain if I ended my life I would have done it long ago. I want to so badly, but I can't and I don't really know why.
BY (guest)
15 years ago (2009-05-14)
All I know is that I don't want to be alive anymore. I have no passion to live for. Life is all redundant to me; over and over again. I want to get to the finish line sooner and see if there is anything beyond that. I'm not religious, but like good ideas from all faiths. What does it matter if one is poor or rich, pretty or ugly, smart or slow,... I am tired of life.
phoinix_fade (1 stories) (13 posts)
15 years ago (2009-02-11)
When I try to gain my spiritual power over alone I can not do it without freaking out. When I meditate I see shadows and changing shapeds
Brenda (guest)
16 years ago (2008-02-18)
I am an empath and it is so hard to block others pain because you feel it asif it was your own.
I have not found away to get awayfrom it. Any ideas?
Thomas (1 stories) (4 posts)
16 years ago (2008-02-16)
Their are many voices in the wind, but only one that can free a SOUL from sin! Christ is the answer. This for me was a soul sickness and the devil, the deciever, the accuser of the brother is alive. And works in our minds daily. Give it to God and He will make everything Alright. Don't worry have any fear or doub't GOD will work this all out. ❤
6senses (3 posts)
16 years ago (2008-02-11)
I used to be able to do that, but with a different question, but I do not do it anymore because it freaked me out so much. People should not do that, I believe, because it pulls you away from the experiences of life. Which is why you are alive. To learn and grow and have experiences. 😊
vanessa (guest)
17 years ago (2007-07-30)
I use to experience almost the same type of thing, however, I also can't seem to do it anymore because of distractions around me. I would just sit there alone and start to think about life, just life in general and then id begin to think about the universe. Its hard to put into words so I won't go there, but coming back from this trance state I would almost forget I was human or who I was or who was around me. Its really strange how things work like that.
Shadow (guest)
17 years ago (2007-07-05)
I sugest trying Brain-Sync. Just google it, and go on there website. You'll understand once you read about it.
GG (guest)
17 years ago (2007-06-19)
All I can suggest from my experiences is that you practice mediating. I have much more messages and visions when I was attuned to any forms of reiki.
I never expected any of this as I just thought I would die and that would be the end of it. For me, I didn't want to think I was really linked with so many others that could cause pain and so forth.
Of course you are perfectly okay, and we all have fears. The thing is, that life often is what we chose to make it. I can't tell you how often I have been upset or angry to know that we are all interlinked, that we all have lessons to learn and that no person better than the other. I had even thought I had totally lost it and was insane.
I have accept many things, life has changed for the best and as I see things differently it keeps getting better. If you overcome your mind, and let things flow, you will be able to access your guides and angels.
I wish you all the best!
Geoffrey (guest)
17 years ago (2007-05-06)
Hello Keith,
Thanks for replying.

Yes I have found meditation in my life, I've had plenty of time on my hands since I last wrote this comment and have done some real soul searching.

Since I was young I always felt that I am somehow special, that something in my life yet to come to pass will have some kind of significance, I do not yet know what that will be but the feeling stayed with me my whole life.

When I searched my inner self this belief was confirmed but it didn't just apply to me, it applied to everyone and every living creature. We are all special and we all have a longing and a feeling of greatness its within us all. Something amazing is going to happen soon, Its no longer a question of "If" but "When",

however with this said, I have only really glimpsed at my potential.
"Fear" of mortality is truly one of the obstacles that I must overcome, and something I'm currently working on, Conquer all my fears.
Martin (29 posts) mod
17 years ago (2007-05-05)
That's always a good exercise to keep things into perspective. I believe some Hindus will meditate in cemeteries or examining a skull (how shakespearesque) to stay focused on the fleeting nature of the world of form.
Keith (guest)
17 years ago (2007-05-05)
Geoffrey, I know this is a long shot, but have you tried meditating on your own mortality? I know that sounds ghastly but once your mind has accepted this, all worries about money, etc. Really seem pointless. This may aid in your quest. Not that you need help, you know what you need to already... :-)

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