I was playing on the computer late one night after I got home from work and suddenly I got a very direct message. "Something about growing up, we forget the magic." I pondered that for a few minutes wondering where on earth did that thought come from. The next feeling was I needed to write it down. I ignored it and then came a very strong, "write it down now!" I said ok, wrote it on a piece of paper and said ok, what do you want me to do with it now? I got the message "nothing". I said what do you mean "nothing". The response was "nothing right now".
Still pondering this thought, I was suddenly in a dream kind of state, and the most wonderful and awesome vision came to me. There was a cradled newborn and it was me. I felt the most trusting and purest sense of love imaginable. There is no earthly experience for me to try to tell someone else about it, no words that can describe the total sense of peace. I have no idea how long I was in that state, but when I think about it I get such a swelling in my chest of love and excitement.
But it has also brought a lot of emotional confusion. I have always believed in angels. When I was about 2 years old I almost drowned. My mother said when they pulled me out of the water they figured I had been under water a fairly lengthy time. It took the paramedics 7 hours to bring me back to consciousness. Up until I was about 7 or 8 years old I would have very vivid dreams of life under water, walking on the bottom of the sea and they were beautiful. I never did have a fear of the water from that experience.
In my younger years I was always excited about church and religion. As I grew older, I grew away from the church, but never away from God. I wreaked a lot of havoc with some self-will gone wild for a while, even ignoring God because I knew He wouldn't approve. But through the years, things would happen and I learned to understand I was 'different'. I would get feelings about something wrong. Maybe my brother was on the road and he'd had an accident. I would call my mom and share these feelings and sure enough we'd here from brother and he'd been in an accident, thankfully never hurt. This happened on more than one occasion. I had been up in the mountains cutting wood with a group of people and got a sudden sense of urge that we needed to go home, something was wrong. One of our friends' homes had been broken into.
I've had wonderful experiences as well. I had had strange things happening for several days, silly things. Like one day at work I looked at my watch, waiting for break time and we had ten minutes to go. A co worker asked me just a few minutes later how long until break, and looking at my watch the time had gone backwards 1 hour. We laughed and I told them it was the angel playing with my watch. Driving down the interstate there was really cool jazz song on the radio and I went to turn up the volume and the radio wasn't on! My angel likes jazz! My life has been blessed with answered prayers which I may share at a later time. As I grow older, I have learned to embrace the spirituality as a gift.
Now for the confusion. For a week after this last experience I was in a state of euphoria. I sense something wonderful coming, I couldn't sleep, I just kept waiting for the message from God about what I'm supposed to do with this. I have gotten nothing. I have periods where I wonder if it was real, but I know it was. I felt like a child waiting for Christmas morning! Then suddenly I felt grounded, disconnected. Why?