On the 12 March 2013 I went to Townsville for my Uncles funeral. He had a heart attack while sleeping. We are all very sad and in shock by his sudden death.
I wanted to write down what happened over the past two days while I was in Townsville. I feel so eager to share this story; it's truly amazing seeing him work through us. All that is written is what happened inside my thoughts, heart and sequences of events to express my journey of these teachings.
During my stay and visiting family there was always a battle going on inside me that no one can hear but Our Father. Every time I would use the strength he gives me, so I can turn to our father away from the judgement that is inside and outside of me. Oh how I pray, may my mind, tongue and my actions be only Gods slave, because I do not trust in my human ways.
I felt sad because my family always talks negatively about each other. L could hear it chattering away in my own mind and every time I heard judgement I would turn quickly to our father, "Father humbly, please help me not to judge my family but to love and accept them for who they are, please teach me to look at them with only love and acceptance."
It was night time now, we were all sitting and talking, some were drinking alcohol. I had my cup of tea had a shower and went to bed before everyone. I never stay up late anymore I just feel like I want to go to my bed and talk with Father so I am not swept up in anything. L am afraid of doing the wrong thing by our Father.
I know in my heart this is what our father wants me to do, be quite and humble.
Then everything turned bad very quickly. There was a big fight so much so that my Uncle, Aunty and cusion packed their bags and left to stay in a motel. It does not matter what it was about but to convey how everyone was very upset and yelling. Dad even came into my room and said, get up we are leaving. I just laid there still. Then after they left mum and nana got very upset and dad was trying to pacify mum in his own way.
Meanwhile I just stayed in my bed and prayed with my heart mind with everything, clinging to fathers goodness as it was needed in this house. I did not want to get swept up in this bad thing as I knew it would take me over too.
As soon as everyone was laying in there bed I could hear them still talking and crying. So I got up quietly went to nana and gave her a kiss and cuddle and told her that I loved her while she was telling me how she felt about what happened etc. I cuddled her with our Fathers love bursting from my heart. I feel so much compassion for my nana she is so lost in her words, as are all of us. Without our Father, we are tormented with our own judgements.
It's hard to say this without me judging so I pray for her with no words but only with the love I feel bursting from my heart.
Then after a while I went into mums, where she was tormented by what happened. I asked if I could give her a cuddle. When I layed with her she wanted to explain to me over and over again what happened and why she things, her continual words were only making her more upset. My hand was on her heart and said, "Mum there is nothing you can ever say that would convince me of who you are, I already know you and the loving caring nature you have for us, there is no need to talk or convince me of your actions, I already understand".
Silence, understanding and love are words from the heart. This is what I wanted to share with mum. Beautiful is the Lord our Fathers love and Compassion; mum calmed down and lay quite.
I went back to my bed. All the time always aware and awake talking to our Father with my heart and when my mind would talk, I would say Jesus name.
My Auntie and Uncle and cusion were driving around in the middle of the night trying to find a hotel, I was worried for them and acted on this emotion of love, so I wrote Danielle and text, "hope you guys are ok, sending lots of love xx."
I have never felt so much calmness and love in my heart during such a confrontational event.
I was awake all night battling my own mind with what just happened while talking to our father, "Father, please your love and compassion is needed please fill our hearts with love and be united in our grief where all can feel your presence of compassion, humility, vulnerability, meekness, bursting love and willingness to reach out to family and friend for support and beautiful words of the heart.
I pray, may your heart be flooded as mine is at this moment, how I pray for all to feel the LIFE in this story of our Father.
The next morning came, there was fleeting words passing my mind saying, hope they don't say or pass this to any other family members as it would escalate badly. I quickly turned to our Father, with humility.
As we drove into the carpark they are the first people we see. My silly mind wanted to avoid them because I was afraid of them avoiding us too. But I quickly turned to our Father, holding on to him with my heart.
What happened next was so amazing beyond all measure;
As we walked towards them, my Uncle came up to my dad with tears in his eyes patted him on the back and shook his hand he did the same with mum, my brother and me. My Aunty and cusion did the same with tears in there eyes. I cried out with all my heart and mind, Oh Lord how great your love, I was in completed owe of our Father. Please I prayer, may God put life in these little words as his love is beyond our Universe.
Normally my family holds onto grudges, listens to talk and reacts to it for a long time. Last night was so bad with what happened, and to see our Fathers miracle work through Jesus, I am humbled beyond measure and never ever want to forget and I pray may no bad come and snatch this away by any form of convincing or juggling of words, or judgement from others around me and in me.
Oh how your Amor defeats all seen and unseen.
The funeral was so beautiful there was nothing but love there. Everyone was reaching out to one another, through our Fathers compassion and love he made us all one, the same, through our love for another who now lives with the father.
One day in church a couple of years ago now, I remember, hearing, something like "God is always found in sorrow". Until now, I never truly understood what that really meant.
Heavenly Father, you are not of this world. How I choose to suffers because I know you are always seen clearly there. I have a glimpse of the small path. How I pray with my heart, through time it becomes clearer as we live our life's in complete and utter owe over your miracles.
How there is no heart beating or silent that you cannot change with a glimpse of your shining love.
How I pray and long to share this with you, as I witness these past couple of days through Jesus eyes.
I pray may our Father give us ears.
Thankyou for reading my story xx
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