Corinthians 14:37 If anybody thinks he is a prophet or spiritually gifted, let him acknowledge that what I am writing to you is the Lord's command. (If any man think himself to be a prophet, etc. - He who is really a spiritual man, under the influence of the Spirit of God, and capable of teaching the Divine will, he will acknowledge that what I now say is from the same Spirit; and that the things which I now write are the commandments of God, and must be obeyed on pain of his displeasure.)
Here I am this morning and I'm blessed to be able! Amen. There are times, and there have been very few, in my life when I've been able to confer with others that appear to be comfortably at the same level as I. There is no pretentiousness, trickery, selfishness, nor insistence of opinion. There is an aim, discussion of opinions and referenced based facts and then a conclusion. Oddly, I become the focal speaker and I'm asked how I would change the ills of the subject we speak on. No one in the conversation degrades the others, and there are yays and nays when in approval or disapproval. I find that I get this dizzy effect that happens to me, as it is the result of a healthy mind expansion. In these conversations, the speakers' don't always face me and one or two may even stand at a distance. I've thought about each of those times and noticed that the conversations are always about love of a sort.
Though years apart, the last three in order, were angry love, lonely love, and sex love. To be able to understand any of those I must be filled with absolute love. I've made poor choices and have had some terrible situations in my life; I now realize that is because I was not listening to God's words on my heart and his plans for me, even when I clearly heard them. Therefore I suffered in ego for many years. I will continue to make mistakes because I'm human but I will not engage in careless, thoughtless and blatant foolishness. In each of those discussions, I realized, the group did value my view and put out thoughts that I know under normal circumstances would blow a circuit in my brain. It never dawned on me that with all the sharing I do, I didn't write these topics out thoroughly but I remember those conversations like they were yesterday. I did not set foot out my house last night yet I had a wonderful conversation about the comprehension of sex love. It was the same as each time before; I could not see but one speaker's face and his appeared weird, almost "distorted" and my eyelids were very low, yet I had no fear. Then it hit me this morning, I have been having conversations with angels!
I have been in denial that I could possibly be a prophet of God. I thought prophets had to be of a certain status. Look at who I am! I am poor single mother of four young children, with little income. I owe rent and I have back-up bills! I have no formal schooling for ministry and what if people mock me and call me false?! Yet he chose me and has already made up my mind and my soul for this particular work at this particular time and I accepted. I grew up hearing that people can only go to Jesus and Jesus cannot come to them; I do not believe that because when I was in my lowest moments, when I turned my head away because I wanted to give up on God for "making me struggle" he sent his son to get me. January 7, 2012. Listen, the warmth that engulfed me and made me a child again was so amazing I lost my words! He came through a friend that kept reaching out to me and I kept turning this man down and he just would say, "I'm here. Make time for me." I thought it was the weirdest thing because I kept telling my friend over the phone and through text, that I knew him from somewhere. He often texted back a smiley face or typed "No worries." But as I was saying, we finally made a date. He picked me up with his car, we chatted and then had to stop at a store so I could buy some ginger ale because my stomach got nervous suddenly; then we went to his place and we half chatted, cracked jokes and half watched a movie.
It was in the 2am hour that I welcomed a hug from this man and suddenly I felt this enormous shift like I was breaking down (or was it the room?) I began to cry and this man just held me and said, "It's ok, I'm here." I wept, and I said, with my face in the cradle of his shoulder, "It's just been so long." He held me still and assured me that it was ok, "You are here now." I apologized for crying and as I pulled back I caught a glimpse of his face and a fear like no other I ever felt came into my soul but he quickly pulled me right back and I made a whimper, "O my God, Jesus?!" I pulled back and he engulfed me with a light so bright I lost sight of him and at the same time I lost the fear and practically everything else that night; some memories of my life are gone and some I remember. The heat was ABSOLUTE LOVE! I could feel that I was being held and I felt like we were merging and I said in a low shout, "O MY GOD, I THINK I FOUND JESUS!" Then I saw myself as a baby and all the way back again to the present moment. Though I could not see him, I knew Jesus was there and he placed a question in my head and it was like tasting purple velvet (I can't describe it as any other way), "What do you want to do?" and I responded, "I want to spread love to as many people as I can." He said (without words), "This you will do." I began to cry again and he placed information inside me that told me that I would be provided all the tools I need. By now I had realized the room was different from when I first arrived and having lost fear, I began to look around and there was just light everywhere and he asked me what do I need to say and I had it on my mind but I hesitated and he told me it was ok so I looked up and said, "We've been blessed!" I felt him smile in me.
I do not know when he left but I know I was too happy to talk and I was giggling like I was being tickled by angels and I kept saying, "Stop playing, y'all gotta be kidding me!" And they were singing in my ears and that's all I heard, this amazing music that I could taste! I suddenly realized my male friend touched my leg but we were in his car headed back to my house! I did not remember leaving my friend house. I kept looking at him and he just smiled. Then, he told me this, "You know I'm an atheist right, but I'm going to tell you, don't second-guess yourself anymore, and don't over-explain yourself. Be sure in what you know and you'll be fine." I only thought about it later on where he was when I was with Jesus and I haven't ask him what he experienced; we're actually still friends so it couldn't have been that bad for him. Maybe I'll talk with him about it one day. He drove me on home, rubbing and patting my leg often, and just before I exited the car, he looked at me for about a minute and was smiling and said, "I enjoyed being in your presence tonight." I like-wised him though I didn't remember HIM the majority of that time. He stated, "Make time for me." I said I would and I knew I still was feeling the echoes of my experience in myself and I felt like I was moving by air. I have a doctrine of love building in my heart and I am going to write it; I don't know how long it will take but I go according to God's instruction. I believe that these doctrines are placed upon me by him in absolute love, truth, faith and understanding. This is a continuation because I feel like I put my work down at some point; when, I don't know but I'm blessed to have picked it back up.
It really took me some days to intake all of this, I said I would write about it and I did, then I erased it. I cried so much and even writing this I cry still. The other writing was nothing liked this. It seemed selfish compared to, and this writing GOD woke me up to do after a short sleep. "WRITE!" And so I am. I am no longer in denial as his very son Jesus, on in this month, did come into my presence and into my heart and mind and did bless me with the purpose to teach his love to my brethren. My hour has come and I do this purpose in his name. We don't know the day or the hour Jesus is coming back because it is different for everyone! He is here touching lives because I've heard quite a few stories recently, and was barely sharing my own. He directed me to not second-guess myself and to follow his direction and all the tools that I need, will be provided, down to the scripture to study and from where. I will carry fellowship with my people the same as his angels carry fellowship with me. I do not know if there is a special way to claim to be a prophet but he gave me scripture to write before I wrote these words. I just need to go to my people wherever they are; I will be guided I'm sure. No fancy bells and whistles needed; just God's words. God does meditate on our hearts and we may not get it right away but if we are living our purposes, a good amount of the tools we need to live in his name is within us. The rest we can ask of our brethren if we do not have. I know that in doing these purposes, hopefully one day I get to live in that very light that Jesus brought to me that night and I hope the same for all of you.
There are some tools which with I will make my daily living, a simple dress maker! That part I laughed at, he was a carpenter! But I did buy the sewing machine and only a small amount of material and thread. What I need is a dressmaker mannequin, more material and scissors and thread and things. I've seen already a bit of his plan for me and how I will benefit my people. The name of the line is even placed in me and I will make these custom dresses with my hands. I cannot be with many of you whom I fellowship, in person but that isn't necessarily a hindrance either. One day we will have a world fellowship.
Thank you for allowing me to share with you. I love you in Jesus name, Amen.
Psalms 77:6 I remembered my songs in the night. My heart mused and my spirit inquired
Psalm 16:7 I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.
Psalm 42:8 By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me--a prayer to the God of my life.
I Timothy 4:16