I'm Kenzie and I'm 15 years old next Monday. I've researched and studied spirituality and alternative healing methods since I was 13. Spirituality became the number one priority in my life in 8th grade. I thoroughly enjoyed all the different healing techniques I applied to my life. Then, I got really battered that year, emotionally. And it made me cling more to spirituality and the concept of going home, (Home being heaven in the spiritus novus version of gnosticism.) Which half the time made me feel enlightened and loved, and special, and amazingly happy and energetic. The other half, I felt upset and aggravated and just angry that I couldn't be home NOW, because I'm stuck here, in this place full of cruelty, when I KNOW there's this beautiful loving other side that's a breath away.
After, going for about 6 months of switching back and forth between such passionate emotions, I unconsciously repressed my knowledge of the other side, and my healing practices that I employed. Once I repressed that I cut out the biggest part of my life, I cut out the main chunk of who I am! When this happened I, by repressing the biggest part of ME, I repressed my emotions. My entire freshman year, I can barely recall a thing because I literally felt NOTHING the entire time. I was always ok, or fine. Actually just ok. Not good, not bad, just fine. Around the very end of freshman year, I was going crazy, I was so upset I wanted to feel something! I was tired of feeling nothing in my heart! Even then though, the brief feeling or aggravation dissolved into nothing and I went back to being "ok".
I didn't know WHY! It drove me crazy! Then finally I had an epiphany I realized it was because I had founded spirituality, then repressed it, because I wanted the other side, because no one else I knew thought the same things I did, because everyone I loved and told told me I was crazy, so many things piled up!
But, I found out why I did that. I'm now doubly more dedicated to researching and implementing spirituality to my life. I'm happy again, I feel joyful and loved again. I still occasionally get upset at myself for not being stronger, for not KNOWING I was doing the right thing, for turning my back on who I am. But I then get over it, because I know, it doesn't matter, the past is the past, and I'm on track NOW.
I wrote this, to tell any kids around my age, never to forget there ARE others out there like you. You are NOT crazy! You are simply more spiritually advanced. That makes you special! Don't get cocky with it, or competitive, or the whole "I'm better then the kids who are average." Pray for them, and feel majorly thankful for knowing what you know. Feel blessed, and enlightened. Try your hardest to spread the enlightenment, it's meant to be spread! Everyone should be enjoying the amazing gift that is spirituality!
Don't force it, but don't shy away from telling others. Just, never do what I did, never turn your back on yourself, you'll regret it immensely. I just thank God it was only a year, and I'm still young enough to enjoy the rest of my life with spirituality even though I messed up big.
Sat Nam everyone, you are loved and blessed for knowing about spirituality, never forget that. :)
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