A few years back I met this lady named Barbara at one of my annual family barbeques. For some reason I was very drawn to this lady and when we spoke I knew exactly why. Barbara was a very intellectual woman who had many different college degrees that allowed her to advance very well in life. Barbara was very inspirational, spiritual and motivational. She was exactly what I needed at that time in my life; she gave me the encouragement to finish my degree, take my education to the next level and to know that whatever hard times I was going through, God was going to help me work through those situations. She gave me the boost of faith that I had been lacking at that moment in my life.
We ended our conversation that day with her telling me, "Next year at this time when I see you, I want to hear that you have graduated with your degree". Needless to say, I did everything in my power to finish up my classes, graduated with my degree and was very eager to see her at the annual barbeque to share the good news with her.
A few weeks ago I was talking to my mom and she told me that Barbara had passed away from cancer. I was very shocked and saddened by this news because it was unexpected news to me. Her funeral was going to be held the following week in Illinois and I was even more saddened because I knew that I wouldn't be able to make it to pay my last respects.
That very same night, I was up very late because I was having trouble sleeping. At this point, it's kind of hard to explain, because I'm not sure if I even went to sleep because everything was so real; it was like I had drifted. Anyhow, all of a sudden I'm in a very quiet place (it reminded me of being in a library) and I seen Barbara. It was almost as if she was expecting and waiting to see me. She was very well dressed in dark colored clothing and her hair was long, black and beautiful.
We both greeted each other and I told her that I heard the news about her passing. She stepped forward and we hugged each other. As she held me in her arms I cried in her shoulder and told her about how much of an inspiration she was to me and that I was going to really miss her. She then pulled me away from her and thanked me and told me that it was now time for me to go. I kept talking to her and she said it again, "It is time for you to go back now, I'm going to be okay". I don't remember anything after this, all I remember is that I sat up in my bed wondering what had just happened, constantly replaying the entire situation in my mind. I was not frightened at all and was able to go to sleep very peacefully. I was also very happy that I had a chance to be able to say goodbye to my mentor.
As I sit here now writing about this, there are some questions that I have and I'm not sure if I will ever get the answers. I wonder what she meant by "It's time for you to go back now". Where did I go? How did I get there? Why did I have to go back? It seems as if this wasn't something new to me and that I have done it before.
Without being long winded, I do have a gift and I can't really explain it. I realized that I had a gift when I was a teenager and it frightened me because I didn't know how to handle it. In my early twenties, because I didn't know how to handle my gift and it scared me, I prayed it away (so I thought).
A few years back I met a very distant cousin (she's in her 70's) that was telling me a story and she was describing her gift but she embraced hers in such a positive manner that all I could do was cry.
That very night I prayed to God and I sincerely apologized for not recognizing my gift because I had now realized that it was something positive. Low and behold, it eventually came back to me and I'm very thankful and grateful for it.
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