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Gateway To The Pit


Back in 2009, I was severely depressed and suicidal. One late night around three a.m., I could not describe my emotion and the strangest impression of evil overwhelms me to my core of a cold dead hand and a black heart.

My heart grew dark, & cold as I held my. 22 caliber rifle with the barrel pointed upward under my chin. As I sat there I thought about my mother who I was staying with in her one bedroom apartment, she had been asleep in her room for a couple of hours. I then immediately put the rifle away as I thought of her awaking to a gunshot and seeing me with my face blown off, deceased. I was thinking what a mess this is going to be when she finds me.

I could not proceed with my suicide.

I got even more depressed.

All the lights were out except the light emitting off the computer screen, I was bundled up "Indian Style" on the couch, when I prayed; a Wicca Prayer. This is what I said: (Also, will never say it again)

"Hail to the Guardians of the East: "Hear my cry"...

"Hail to the Guardians of the West: "Hear my cry"...

As soon as I recited this aloud, I then absorbed all emotion, all sorrow, all sadness, & all my suffering and like a sponge of emotional distress I drifted off to sleep... I awoke in this enormous steel "candlelit" silver dungeon, that had very little lighting. In this hellish place, there were thick chains hanging down three quarters to the cold steel floor that I was laying on, dressed as I was in my street clothes. On the left of me there was a huge circular "Pit"...As I gazed upon this it opened about one third of the way and I had seen a very deep pit with red-orange flames on everything, even people, screaming, but there were so many torments alive I could not make out any of them clearly.

I then found myself in the same position on the cold silver-steel floor looking around at the gigantic room that was lit not by candles but by torches every so many feet apart. The one wall was the only wall visible to me, the one with the limited torches, was made out of red rocks or red looking bricks.

Laying there, I noticed that the further you go down the room the lesser the light revealed. As I was looking as far down as I could see where the limited light meets the unbearable darkness, I witnessed three entities; Jesus and two others in the darkness I could not recognize. I knew it was my Lord Jesus Christ even though I could only see the back of Him. He had on a bright white robe and what appeared to be brown sandals on his feet. I tried so hard to hear what the three of them were talking about, but never understood. As soon as I laid my eyes upon the back of Jesus, and I really wanted to see Him, even if it was the reverse side. There was a very strong gravitational force that took me back to the floor face first and all I could see was the silver metal staring back at me. It was like a snap back. I then knew I was and had NOT been worthy to even see the reverse side of Him. In my heart & soul I knew it was Jesus and knew I was at the gateway to the "Pit"...

"I should be here"..."I am NOT worthy"..."I am ashamed!"...I thought. Every time I Had to see Him, this force grabbed stronger and pushed me back down!...I kept trying and the more I tried the worse this force got!...I tried three times and then gave up with great embarrassment, the words do not even come close to that description of that reality.

The next day, I awoke to realize I had been to a place where time does not matter and no I did not think it was a dream, because of the realism of the experience. Even after I woke, I really thought I had been to the gateway to the pit.

I still depressed and full of negativity, I had to go to work. I worked at a coffee shop where I did customer service and I was in no mood to help customers. I had still felt that I had been gone a very long time, the day and that feeling stood strange and new to me.

Later, when I arrived at work, I just needed to get through the day. My stress level went through the roof. Most of the morning went slow "No one is here on a Wednesday morning"! "It's usually busy"! Around Midday, I was standing behind the counter looking outward into the front of the store, I noticed a white 2000 Ford Taurus rapidly whipping up around and parking. I never seen anyone maneuver a car so perfectly, it was weird. A tall Jamaican woman dressed like she was on an safari, a tie between a safari, and a Metro Bus Driver. Had a round straw hat on with the string from her hat hanging and a white collar long sleeve shirt, with short tan khaki shorts on. I said: "Hello, How are you today?" She never replied and looked into my eyes with a neutral energy, neither positive nor negative. I just felt (do not mess with her) I had been thinking. She walked down then turned into the bathroom.

A few minutes later, about five customers came in, it was a rush, ("just like robots") "huh", I thought. When she came around the corner I felt she was staring at me, I was really busy with customers. I could see out of my periphrial vision, I hurried to get them out so I could speak with her and she had walked to the other side of the store and started writing something down on some fitness forms we had near the pop cooler. I could not help them quick enough, she finished and then proceeded to walk up and cut in front of a few customers and put something into my tip jar and pointed slowly with her hand and said with a whisper "Message for you" ok, I stood stunned for a second then finally everyone eventually left. I was disappointed that I could not say anything to her. I reached over and pulled up a folded piece of a fitness form with a message written in blue pen on the back blank side saying: "Erik Jovani Martinez (with brackets at top) (below) saying: (with quotation marks) "Says don't end up where he is at" (bottom right corner in brackets going the direction of the corner) High Priest-Obeah. The weird, scary, truth was that six months before this ALL happened, A 23 year old man Erik worked with me at this "coffee shop" along with one of my closet friends, Ed. Erik was an Hispanic-Latino "gang banger" if you will.

One sunny afternoon, when it was only both of us working together, with no customers, we both decided to go outside and take a smoke break and smoke a joint of some medicinal marijuana. As we were toking, I asked Erik "why do the stupid shiat that you do?, like steal from stores for your name brands, mess with people because they are unlike you and your homeboys, etc.?...He replied: "Todd YOU do not know what it is like to be me"! I said: "No, but WE All have our own choices or freewill, if you really want out I will help you." He shrugged his shoulders, obviously did not believe I could help then a regular customer showed up and we got back to work.

So, I had done a little research because I was so stunned, shocked, and overwhelmed that this even happened to me. Erik lost his job, due to Ed convincing the owner that he had been stealing from the cash register from quite some time and he was. Erik was enraged, sad, mad, and pissed off! He got really depressed and went right back to his "hood" over around 13th Street & Thomas Road in Phoenix, Arizona. The "coffee shop" was on Hayden & Thomas in Scottsdale, Arizona.

Anyways, another disloyal night came and Erik could not take the stress, depression, who really knows?...So, he took a woman hostage and had a stand-off with the police, Erik opening fire at the Phoenix PD, hit one of the officers at the scene. (Nick Erfely) being shot fell to the ground while the other officers gunned him down and killed him. Later, the cop "crossed over". I do not like to say "dead" or "die", I prefer "crossed over".

By the way, "Obeah" is a form of "Voodoo" and it can go either way good or bad. I researched that there are people in The State of Arizona that practice "Obeah". I never seen the Jamaican woman again, she was only a messenger, for me. Most of the time, when I pray, I pray for Erik, "I hope Erik received his wings!" "Thank You!, Erik Jovani Martinez because YOU helped me straighten my path out!"

-Todd J. Spiller-Vandalia, Ohio

Comments about this spiritual experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, astroman6369, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

Anon (guest)
4 years ago (2020-02-10)
I got a bit lost once the shopping experience was being discussed. Probably my own distractions.


I'm sending ya good feels cos no one deserves to feel like that.

From my estimate it seems like your mind was showing you what depression is.

Its hell. It's one of the shiattiest experiences going.

I'm very super mega glad that you came out of it and I hope and trust that your life is long and happy.

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