I remember so vividly the day God spoke to me as if it happened today! I was in my early twenties with one child at the time and we had recently moved to St. Louis, Missouri with my mother and her husband. I was in and out of unhealthy relationships looking for love in all the wrong places and in desperate need of guidance. I was a backslider who had not yet learned how to be kept because I was a babe in Christ without much understanding concerning church, God, spiritual matters, and relationships. I would leave the church and God when something bad happened to me, but even as a babe I both saw and heard things supernaturally. Even as a little girl I have always felt when there was a presence around me, near me, in my room, and around others. I would feel the spirit of them and can describe the emotions of them, whether they were happy, sad, funny, and evil; it never scared me.
I grew up in my father's house without my mother. My father was always busy and not home but when he was he was abusive towards my eldest brother and I, but not my twin brother. He would always say my eldest brother and I was like our mother and my twin brother was like him. He said my twin was going to be something in life and I wasn't. He was harsh towards me with his words. The love and validation I wanted and needed from my father I began to search for in relationships and people.
I left home when I was nineteen and my son was two years old. I reunited with my mother after the death of my eldest brother and lived with her for awhile. This is when I began to experience things on a whole different level. This is when I gave my life to God and began to hear His voice. Whether I was wrong or right, He spoke to me!
On this particular day in St. Louis, Missouri I had taken a full inventory of the room. My cousin was there with his girlfriend of many years, my sister was married to the 'perfect' husband, so I thought, and my mother was there with her husband and the both of them were married in the Lord. After taking inventory I wept bitterly and asked this question aloud, "Why does every relationship I get in fail?". Immediately after asking this question I had goose bumps and it felt like all my hairs were standing up on my head, back of my neck, my back, and my arms and I knew something phenomenal was about to happen; He spoke! His immediate reply to me was, "Every relationship you involve yourself in will fail because this is what you put before me; you put man before me." After God spoke to me I stood there for a moment and I noticed my arms were extended in the air and my family was looking at me. I looked around the room again and when the goose bumps left, I put my arms down, and I walked out of the room crying. I did not expect to hear from God for I was only expressing what I was feeling, but He had an immediate response and answer to my question and I praise Him for that.