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The Touch from God

 

It all began two weeks ago; I received a call from my mother that my best friend, John had been hit by a car and died instantly. At first it didn't really sink in, I acknowledged my mothers' phone call and said thanks for letting me know. In time it really began to sink in, I was deeply troubled by this news and felt a great emptiness building in me.

Not to long after that my mind began recalling all the things we had done together and images flooded my mind. The following day I found it more and more difficult to function, I just felt down, distracted by my grief of losing a friend I hardly saw or spoke to in years. I found the whole experience puzzling but being one who prides himself on figuring out problems and solving them, I poured my thoughts into why this disturbed me so. I emailed my boss as to what had happened and told him I was not sure what I would be doing that week. Monday I went to work figuring to tie up any loose ends in case I needed to take off for the Funeral. I found it extremely difficult to function at all; I was distracted by my grief and felt very distant from everyone. I never really felt depressed just grief stricken and distant. I was actually trying to determine how long I thought it would take me to get back to normal, I figured about a month. I decided that day that I needed to take a few days off to sort things out.

Tuesday was spent at home, half staring off into space and finally I decided to make some food to take to my friend's house. I felt better doing this, especially since my daughter was helping. Still after that task was completed, I was back to feeling empty and out of sorts.

Wednesday I went to my friend's house and was helping his older brother clean up my friend's room. It was very therapeutic going through my friend's things, I felt connected again for a little bit. I was also talking to his mother, bringing up childhood memories more to cheer myself up but it seemed to help her more than me. Next thing I know, she's asking me to give the eulogy at my friend's funeral. Not something I would look forward to but how could I refuse?

That night all the childhood memories and images flooded my mind and before I knew it I had written a five page eulogy with stories of our time together and how it portrayed John's greatest qualities. The only thing I didn't know much about was his time spent with his former wife and children; I figured I could get details from his wife at the viewing sessions the next day.

Thursday arrives, I'm at the viewing and I have a strong feeling I'm supposed to seek out John's ex wife Joan. I knew I needed details about their time together but felt as if I was supposed to seek her out for something else. I finally see her arrive and decide to greet her. I'm still not sure if that was a good idea or not because as soon as she saw me, she broke into tears and fell into my arms.

I tried to console her as best as I could and was surprised that the more I talked to her about john, the better she seemed to feel. I felt very close to Joan, a person I hardly new. She felt the same telling me that she felt that she and I were closer to John then anyone else and probably new him better. She then told me about all the good times they had together and that he was her one true love in life. Then came the bad times. John became an alcoholic and did not treat Joan very well; he did not beat her but threatened to kill her on many occasions. So many that the Police came to their house and had to take away all his guns. John was an avid hunter and also collected many guns; they were an integral part of his life. This upset John greatly, we all thought that this would cause him to seek help and he could beat his addiction. Try as he might he just could not conquer his alcoholism.

Finally things got so bad his wife had to force him out of their house and limited his visits with his children. Eventually they divorced. I think she was harboring a lot of guilt for what she did. I tried to tell her that she didn't have much choice but still she felt guilty.

Also that evening I found out from the priest that I had no more then two minutes to give the eulogy. Frustrating for sure but I figured I would just conceptualize what I had written and be fine.

The following morning while lying in bed just composing my eulogy it happened. I felt as though something had touched my mind, only briefly but, I immediately new something very special occurred. It was over whelming; words cannot fully describe what it felt like. I knew my friend was involved but he was not the one who touched me. I knew that this brief touch was all I could handle, any more and I would have gone crazy. I was given answers to many things, why John had to die, answers about religion, and that I was going to change.

At the same time, I became overwhelmed with joy! I was smiling and crying at the same time, I immediately woke my wife up and tried to explain what had just happened. To my surprise she believed me I expected her to think I was crazy, I know I wasn't sure. I also new what I would say at my friend's eulogy, and that it would come from my heart. Try as I might, I could not write it down. Every time I tried it came out as a mixed babbling of words on paper, quite often totally illegible. But it kept running in my mind kind of like music, not word for word but more like images. I finally was able to write down a few key words, otherwise I new I would babble incoherently. From that moment on, I could not contain my joy. It felt as if I were glowing. I was convinced that everyone I touched could feel it and that I could make others feel better just by touching them!

I drove with my wife to the Church service so excited, I couldn't wait to get there. This was on one level very strange, I normally dread such things but I was looking forward to it! I couldn't wait to see people, especially Joan, my friends ex wife. I was sure I could give part of my "gift" to her, I even thought it would be ok with me to give it all to her, she needed it more than I did.

When the service started, Joan was sitting all alone. A rift developed between her and John's family over some of the things she did to protect her and her children from John. I immediately told my wife that I felt compelled to go sit with Joan and asked if she would join me. We went over to Joan and immediately she started crying. I told her we were there for her and would help as best we could. This must have seemed confusing for her since I could not stop smiling.

So church service went on and for me it was the most enjoyable church service I had ever experienced. I could see past all my misgivings about church services and the rituals that made no sense to the truth. I also could see what the people attending church, those that have faith were getting from it. I know the choir members were looking at me, I must have seemed unusual to them, and all my smiling not something you typically see at a funeral mass. I was a little concerned because my mother is part of the choir and most the members knew I was her son. Finally the time comes for me to give the eulogy it went something like this:

"Good morning! We are gathered here to morn a friend, brother, cousin, uncle, husband, son, and father. But is that why we are really here? I think not, we are here to celebrate his life and Oh what a life he lived! John was troubled in the latter part of his life and try as all did, we could not help him. Help had to come from somewhere else, somewhere not of this earth and time. John is at peace now, a peace he could no longer experience here. In closing I want to thank John for his final gift to me, the gift of faith."

I know many were confused by what I said but others seemed overjoyed and seemed to know where I was coming from.

At the reception after the service, many commented on what I had said and wondered where it came from. I tried to explain as best as I could. Many understood and related similar experiences of faith and believed what happened to me to be true. This was very comforting to me and I again felt as though they were sharing in the experience and getting something from it or me. Each time I related the experience the joy I felt in me grew, to the point that I felt it was flowing out of me. I think I actually was able to give some of this feeling to John's mother, she held my hands as I told her of my experience and the look on her face was one of understanding and joy. She then told me that she loved me very much and was glad I was her son's friend. It seemed like a weight was lifted from her after that, she seemed at peace with her son's passing.

The overwhelming feeling of joy stayed with me for several days. It was quite distracting at times but I thoroughly enjoyed it. I still experience it from time to time but I'm getting used to it and it's not as distracting, more a part of me.

It's been over a week since my "touch" from God and I still feel the same. I'm getting used to the changes and understand more about what happened. I was harboring a lot of pain, fear, and anger. Pain of a childhood of being picked on, pain of terrible work experiences, pain of the loss of others, pain of not having a loving relationship with my father before he passed, and the fear of becoming an alcoholic or drug abuser.

My father was an alcoholic and I know the tendencies for substance abuse exist in me. I was constantly battling these demons in my mind. I felt as though I was winning and would eventually conquer and vanquish them on my own but now I don't need to. Part of the "touch" was not only a gift but it was a removal of all my pain, fear and anger towards others. It took a while to completely understand this, I knew that I had no fear and also harbored no ill will against anyone but at first did not understand why.

I know now that by God touching my soul, my pain, fears and anger have been removed and I can now become who I was really meant to be. It's up to me to discover exactly who that is and what my part in the world is. I do know this; I will be able to accomplish my tasks a lot easier now. I can interact with people better; I don't feel the need to win in any type of relationship with others. It's now about helping all around me and treating people as best as I can.

I keep asking myself why me? What have I done in life to deserve this? I feel as though others deserve this more. Many others have much tougher lives and life experiences to deal with than I. I don't consider myself a bad person, just average even a little selfish.

Besides I felt as though I could take care of myself and conquer my demons and emotions eventually, I felt as though I was very close to doing that. Why the intervention? I know John was a very giving person, was this perhaps the last gift he could give?

But now I feel as though I'm a more caring person, I see beauty in every aspect of life and every person I meet. I feel an overwhelming desire to help others, even if it's just a smile or thanking them for just the smallest gesture of kindness. If the feeling I'm still experiencing form time to time were to end in an instant, it would not matter the least bit. I'm irrevocably changed. I've tried to bring up rage and anger from my past and it just doesn't seem to be there to grab any more and what little I can grasp just slips away.

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Comments about this spiritual experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by spiritual-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, wayneb, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

Michael w (guest)
 
8 years ago (2010-01-19)
Im sorry about your loss, but why did he have to die? You said you got reason for why he had to die?
wayneb (1 stories) (10 posts)
 
8 years ago (2009-08-17)
Hi Leslie;
The most remarkable thing about my experience is that I didn't ask for it, it was freely given. Perhaps as I alluded to in my story, my recently departed friend had a hand in the delivery. I have my suspcions that John was involved, almost as though I could feel his presence behind the other that touched me. Perhaps John kept that touch from everwhelming me and that's what was required in my case, someone to provide a personal touch from my life so I would listen and could handle what was given and also what was taken away.

All I can tell you is my mind was very open and relaxed at the time of the "touch."

Have you been touched? Or, are you hoping to be?

Wayne
LESLIE (guest)
 
8 years ago (2009-08-15)
Hi, I am very much moved by your story. There are also a lot of times that I wanted to feel God's touch and I always did. I will never cease to ask for it over and over. Your story reached me here in the Philippines.
wayneb (1 stories) (10 posts)
 
8 years ago (2009-08-05)
Hi All;
Been away on vacation for a bit, just getting back.
Robert: I never realized how close I was to John until he was truly gone. I'm still not exactly sure why I'm here but feel that I need to help and connect with others more. I do feel as though I have some purpose in life but the person measuring my successes has a different set of criteria than I do.
Selena; I think you are correct in stating men are more reluctant to share such feelings but that was part of the "gift" I feel an overwhelming compulsion to share my experience.
Dylancasey; Very well put my friend! I feel and always have felt that I am a simple man that sees life from a simplistic point of view, I take complicated concepts and break them to simple components. Then put them back together, thus I see them as simple. It's one of my gifts I've always had but took years to realize.

Thanks for the wonderfull comments all;

Wayne
dylancasey (4 stories) (22 posts)
 
8 years ago (2009-07-28)
Isn't life amazing brother! I thought I was a complicated man living in a simple society. Once I realized I was a simple man living in a complicated society things started going sweet. What is in us, I think is in everyone.
Selena (guest)
 
8 years ago (2009-07-27)
Love your story, nice to hear you speak of your experience. Often for men, they are more weary of speaking such truths even if it is divine. Good for you, God has truly touched you. God is God but these things happen to us so that we inturn share them among others. God wants us to share his beauty and his spirit, If everyone never spoke a word then how would we even experience Gods true Nature
Robert (guest)
 
8 years ago (2009-07-18)
Wow, amazing story. You really seem like an awesome person that I would love to meet. I am sure that you were also a great friend to John. He would be proud of you. I hope that this experience has given you some kind of answer as to why you are here on earth. Remember that we as humans are always going to struggle with situations that bother us the most in life. You just have to look past that in order to move forward in life. Anyway, take care and godbless.
wayneb (1 stories) (10 posts)
 
8 years ago (2009-07-15)
Hi Laura;

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

I was hesitant to share my story at first but now, I'm glad I did.

Wayne
Laura (guest)
 
8 years ago (2009-07-14)
Thank you for sharing this lovely story. May the joy last! ************
wayneb (1 stories) (10 posts)
 
8 years ago (2009-07-10)
Hi Martin;
It's funny, after experiencing all this, I'm looking back at my life histroy and re-interpreting everything. I now have a different opionin of the events of my life and what I learned and gained from them.

As far as the "why me" I will never give up on finding the answer, it's one of my compulsions to find out the whys about everything in life. Now I just don't seem to get angry about the answers and or lack there of. But I will keep asking myself for ever.

As far as my experience being temporary, I don't think so. I feel different and although the overwhelming sense of joy and peace did not last, I am forever changed and continue to change.

It will be interesting to look back at things in a year or so to see the difference.

Wayne
wayneb (1 stories) (10 posts)
 
8 years ago (2009-07-10)
Hi Yoda;
Oh I felt it alright! I felt as though I was glowing/emminating some form of energy and it was very overwhelming! It has worn off but I feel as though I can reconnect a little when I need it. I think my connection with nature is my key to establishing that feeling again.

Thanks for the suggestions on reading the bible,tora,koran.

Wayne
Yoda (guest)
 
8 years ago (2009-07-08)
It sounds like you have opened your heart chakra.

Can you feel the energy or do you only feel a "happy" feeling, you might also have opened your third eye. They say that when a man is in chock, like the second you know your in a car crash the world stops and you are in the world in between. The call could have been that chock, and if you put your awareness inside at that exact moment moment you arrise the kundalini.

You should google it.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. - Jesus Christ

"Greater is He that is IN YOU, than he that is in the world.' I John 4:4"

One more thing. You should read so much you can from the bible the tora and the quoran, now you will understand it all in another way they are all the same book, peopole are still ignorant to that so they never undertstand "GOD".

God bless you.
Martin (30 posts) mod
 
8 years ago (2009-07-08)
Thanks for getting back to me wayneb. Maybe you have been indeed more different than you ever thought! Some masters say enlightenment is simply a different outlook on life. Either way, if it's temporary (it can happen to have an experience like that for a few weeks), at least you know the way now, you've been shown the direction. You've found the diamond in the rough, the hidden treasure every man possess but is not aware. Why you? Hard to say, there's an irish saying that goes like this: if there's something good that happens in your life, don't ask why, just take it. Or I also like this other one: Why you? Well, why not? 😉
wayneb (1 stories) (10 posts)
 
8 years ago (2009-07-07)
Hi Martin;

Well, it's been almost three weeks since the "touch" and although it's kind of worn off I'm definetly still different. My whole outlook on life and people in genreal is different, I just can't be angry at them for things they do, frustrated but not angry. I seem to immediatly see others point of view and why they do things.

I have been doing a lot of soul searching and have come to the realization that I've always been different, able to walk through nature and not disturb animals as much as others. Kinda like I'm more part of it. I feel like I'm becoming more in touch with humans too as I've always been with nature.

Wayne
Martin (30 posts) mod
 
8 years ago (2009-07-01)
You seem to wonder why it is happening to you instead of another, that's a good question. You may be experiencing a temporary state of grace... Or maybe it's permanent (hopefully).

Some people would say it's just karma. Why are some people happier or luckier than others? Why are some people more talented than others? Why are some people suddenly more spiritually awake than others when they are living an unremarkable life? It could be related to your merits in prior lives. Maybe a lot of your past wrongdoings have been expunged through your issues in this life.

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