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Being Young And Spiritual Is Hard

 

I'm Kenzie and I'm 15 years old next Monday. I've researched and studied spirituality and alternative healing methods since I was 13. Spirituality became the number one priority in my life in 8th grade. I thoroughly enjoyed all the different healing techniques I applied to my life. Then, I got really battered that year, emotionally. And it made me cling more to spirituality and the concept of going home, (Home being heaven in the spiritus novus version of gnosticism.) Which half the time made me feel enlightened and loved, and special, and amazingly happy and energetic. The other half, I felt upset and aggravated and just angry that I couldn't be home NOW, because I'm stuck here, in this place full of cruelty, when I KNOW there's this beautiful loving other side that's a breath away.

After, going for about 6 months of switching back and forth between such passionate emotions, I unconsciously repressed my knowledge of the other side, and my healing practices that I employed. Once I repressed that I cut out the biggest part of my life, I cut out the main chunk of who I am! When this happened I, by repressing the biggest part of ME, I repressed my emotions. My entire freshman year, I can barely recall a thing because I literally felt NOTHING the entire time. I was always ok, or fine. Actually just ok. Not good, not bad, just fine. Around the very end of freshman year, I was going crazy, I was so upset I wanted to feel something! I was tired of feeling nothing in my heart! Even then though, the brief feeling or aggravation dissolved into nothing and I went back to being "ok".

I didn't know WHY! It drove me crazy! Then finally I had an epiphany I realized it was because I had founded spirituality, then repressed it, because I wanted the other side, because no one else I knew thought the same things I did, because everyone I loved and told told me I was crazy, so many things piled up!

But, I found out why I did that. I'm now doubly more dedicated to researching and implementing spirituality to my life. I'm happy again, I feel joyful and loved again. I still occasionally get upset at myself for not being stronger, for not KNOWING I was doing the right thing, for turning my back on who I am. But I then get over it, because I know, it doesn't matter, the past is the past, and I'm on track NOW.

I wrote this, to tell any kids around my age, never to forget there ARE others out there like you. You are NOT crazy! You are simply more spiritually advanced. That makes you special! Don't get cocky with it, or competitive, or the whole "I'm better then the kids who are average." Pray for them, and feel majorly thankful for knowing what you know. Feel blessed, and enlightened. Try your hardest to spread the enlightenment, it's meant to be spread! Everyone should be enjoying the amazing gift that is spirituality!

Don't force it, but don't shy away from telling others. Just, never do what I did, never turn your back on yourself, you'll regret it immensely. I just thank God it was only a year, and I'm still young enough to enjoy the rest of my life with spirituality even though I messed up big.

Sat Nam everyone, you are loved and blessed for knowing about spirituality, never forget that. :)

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by spiritual-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Hopeful, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

Timfaraos (131 posts)
 
3 years ago (2015-01-25)
Dear rhuac. It's good to hear you want to learn more about God! But as for me, a christian, I would never convert to islam... Because I believe Jesus christ IS GOD! But muslims believe Jesus never died on the cross for our sins, and that He was not God, just a minor prophet, LOWER than mohammad! Give me a break! Timfaraos [at] gmail.com
alphaandomega (1 stories) (28 posts)
 
6 years ago (2011-09-20)
I'm encouraged to see you young people have such great spiritual awareness. The gift of healing is one of the nine gifts of the spirit. The greatest of these gifts, is the gift of prophecy. Healing is a great one too, because satan afflicts mankind and makes them weak and suffer. These spiritual gifts only come by fasting and prayer and being faithful to God. So God bless you all, in the name of Jesus!
healergirl44 (1 posts)
 
6 years ago (2011-09-18)
omg I'm a healer too! Well only 2 years younger though... I just don't get this whole spririts can drop by whenever they want! I mean a little privacy please!
Rhuarc (2 posts)
 
6 years ago (2011-09-04)
I too am young and very much spiritual. I am 16, and my journey started when I was 14. I always remember taking God and religion seriously. Not in a bible beaten way but I genuinely loved God and believed in him (I still do). My great-grandparents are really devoted to their church and when I was 10-12 I would always attend their summer sunday school. I remember that one time the teacher was talking about "God has prepared a place for you" and at that moment I seriously just couldn't wait for heaven it just seemed so amazing.

When I go into middle school spirituality sort of took the back burner. Then fast forward to the start of 10th grade year in high school, I had this english teacher who was as I saw it a very spiritual man. At the start of class we would have a discussion about how our lives are and the like. Whenever someone would tell of something unfortunate or bad he would tell them that he would "keep them in his thoughts and would keep that in mind during his meditations". So this help fan the flame of my spiritual side.

If you can remember (and I am sure you do) back in 2010 there was the controversy of the "ground zero mosque". I used to be very harsh whenever the topic of muslims came up. Well for some reason this really grinded my gears people saying that a group of people could not build a place of worship ITS AGAINST THE CONSTITUTION to deny them that right! Well I remember having a debate in class to have or not have the mosque built. After that I started to really research into the religion of Islam and see if there were any similarities with it and Christianity. At first I was skeptical but then I saw that the prophet Muhammad was visited by the angel Gabriel. The same angel that visited Mary about the birth of Jesus. Long story short I fell in love with Islam and ended up converting.

However that is not the end, I have recently come across more spiritual ideas. I have looked into spiritual things such as shamanism and going on "journeys" to the 3 worlds (upper world, middle world, and lower world). I have done a few and I have concluded that there is some truth in the practices. However right now I have deviated paths so much that I feel lost and need something to anchor me down. To really give me fundamental I have questioned so many of my beliefs that I don't know who I am anymore.

I can say this: I know that there is one God. This is the only fundamental belief that I can say I truly hold onto.
Ayumi (1 stories) (1 posts)
 
6 years ago (2011-07-19)
Hi Kenzie. Your story sure made me think. The past year I've, for personal reasons, been feeling suicidal almost all the time, but I stayed strong for the ones who needed me. We are all special. Thank you for sharing your story, it gave me hope.

~Ayumi
AngelaMKC (6 posts)
 
6 years ago (2011-06-30)
Hello. I'm 19. We're all amazing... You're amazing...:DDD
Foundations (1 stories) (64 posts)
 
6 years ago (2011-06-29)
Hi Kenzie,
Thank you for sharing your story. I also blocked out my spirituality at a very young age and through much of my adulthood. I now embrace my spirituality because it is a vital part of who I am, and I would not change it for anything. I LOVE your attitude! I will take your words of wisdom- the past is the past but you are on track NOW and that is what counts. What a wonderful way to think!
Kathleen
noone (1 posts)
 
6 years ago (2011-06-29)
well I can say you are truly true. Since last year (my 17 to 18 age) I also felt the same. Same freshmen case and just being ok not good nor bad.
James (10 stories) (151 posts)
 
6 years ago (2011-06-28)
Kenzie

First of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

You are an amazing young Soul, please remember that, never forget it, you speak with the wisdom of one many years your senior.

Take it from an "old fart" like myself you are absolutly right about your belief and desire to embrace the Spiritual side that is YOU.

Embrace your life upon this earth in the Glory you have been given it, in the glory you create it to be. Live every day to the fullest and show us old geysers the Light that shines from the youth that is the future.

May He who shines through you, within you and around you continue to do so so always...

James

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