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Looking For My True Self

 

Everything began when I was a child between the age 5 to 7. Since I was a child I have seen things as well as attacked by the spirits in my dreams and in the physical world. Things have gotten so bad that people around me have gotten hurt as well. Now things have gotten so bad that I have attacked every single day sometimes more than once for almost a month straight. The attacks began again in September of this year so I began looking for help again hoping maybe I will finally become free from everything going on. While looking for help as well as randomly people have said very very sweet things about me and who God made me and about how I am special in some kind of way. I personally do not see anything special about me I honestly less than but the things they have said make me wonder who I really am. I have always wondered who I was since I was a child but know there may be more to me than what I ever thought.

It began one day when I was sitting in a Walmart subway waiting for my boyfriend to get himself a sandwich. Just then a woman came up to me and she said that my light was very bright and God wanted to tell me something. She was saying how I am his light and a couple of other things that I can not remember but I believe it involved me being careful with people I trust or I am unsure it was almost a year ago when this happened.

Fast forward to September I found a church that I started going to for a few weeks. I found the pastor through another pastor who was asked to help me with everything going on. When I and the pastor talked on the phone it was like he could really see right through me. He said things that have truly been on my heart for so long that really hurt me. He really did help me but then I became a little confused. The pastor said that I was meant to do something and he was honored to talk to me and he said such very nice things that I still need to pray over because I do not know who I am or who God made me. Alongside meeting the pastor in one of the groups, I was in I also meet two other women.

The first woman I meet has gone through a lot of the same things I have gone through. She has told me that I have a special gift just like she does though I am clouded right now. She says once the evil spiritual things are gone I will finally be able to be who God wants me to be.

The last woman I meet in one of the groups I was in from the start called me an earth angel. It all began when I posted in one of the groups I was in and she said I was an earth angel just like she was. I can admit I always have wished and dreamed that I was more than just a human. I never truly have been happy being who I am and finally, I thought that maybe this is why I was so unhappy as well as my dreams of being more than I ever thought I could be. Maybe I am naïve and maybe I think too much about fantasy's but learning that this could be real somehow gives me hope. I honestly still do not know who I am or why I keep being told these amazing things that I do not know about myself. I just have to keep praying and hoping God can someday tell me who I am and who I will become someday. Thank you for reading my story.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by spiritual-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, FaeTalesHime, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

D_M_Shiro (5 posts)
 
4 weeks ago (2017-11-16)
I apologize, I notice I put instinct in the post, when I actually meant intuition.

Instinct is the drive of primal need (food, shelter, water, sex, etc.) and Intuition is the direct link to the soul (and higher selves/God/other dimensions).

Intuition (the gut feeling) is what you need to use for what you are asking.
D_M_Shiro (5 posts)
 
4 weeks ago (2017-11-16)
If you truly believe it to be real, such as a gut instinct tells you such, then it is. You have to rely on your instincts when dealing with the spiritual. I would have loved to share my experience here, but they felt it was more of an opinion piece.

I do go over some of this in my blog though, and will be starting to post weekly, and it's about the spiritual experiences we have and how they affect us here on Earth. As we know, a lot of our experiences can lead others (and even ourselves!) to believe we are crazy. If we begin taking medications, or delve into the negative emotions head-on and linger there, we will find ourselves not necessarily feeling 'crazy' but we also won't exactly feel whole either.

I say, trust yourself. If you want someone telling you who you are you need not look any further than yourself. Do some introspection (sit alone in a room for hours and just ask yourself the questions you would ask anyone else you wanted this help from and then trust yourself when you finally provide an answer. If you don't have an answer, don't worry. You can either come back to is, or you can also use that as your start for your next session, or use it to open a conversation with others.:) I do hope you find yourself completely capable of completing this task, as I know you are.

If you're interested in learning more about Spirituality and how it ties us to God and each other, you can access it through my Goodreads page (I'm also editing my first of a 4 book series (science-fiction, mystery) which delves into our experiences on Earth and how we cope with them/can change them, if you're interested it will be published within the next couple of months on Amazon) just below where it says "Sign in to Goodreads to learn more about D..." and above "add friends".

Https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/73836659-d-shiro

It may not have been activated yet, but should within the next week or so, so please do be patient.

I'd love to see you in the comments section, where I encourage lively debates about these things. I'll also be logging in daily to interact with any readers I have, so if you ever need some insight or help with your introspection, I would gladly be willing to help you.

If you want to know my own experience with it, I was about 21 when my family threatened to have me sent to a Mental Institution because of how I was action, well rather how I was expressing my feelings. I was essentially crying all of the time, tearing at my hair, cutting myself, etc. And at the time I had just become a mom for the second time.

Well, I decided I needed to figure out what was wrong with me to try and keep them from admitting me (my greatest fear was having my children taken away because they thought I would be unfit to care for them because of the way I felt about and treated myself). To do this, I turned inward. I stopped talking to people for days, because I was so focused in my mind that I didn't have the energy or mental capacity to let them in on what I was doing, and when I tried I would just get frustrated when they asked me so many questions about it that I didn't know how to explain.

I was like that on-and-off for months. I would feel dissatisfied, like I hadn't quite finished what I had intended to start. I had some answers, not enough. I started researching religions, intent that God was what was missing, I was relying too much on myself, I felt. As I read new concepts, my questions returned with greater clarity. And when they did, the process started over again. This went on for 3, almost 4, years. I still know I don't know a lot (that's the first step in introspection, announcing that there is so much information that this universe gives that we will never be able to learn it in one body for one lifetime), but I do know the comfort I felt when I reached some kind of understanding about what has been upsetting me so. See, I had been down a long, dark road in my childhood and it wasn't even my fault. It was told it was my fault, but I knew it wasn't. I was a child, I could never have controlled those people into doing what they had done. I would never have intentionally given myself PTSD...

Anyways, I'm getting a bit off topic. When I had finished my introspection, I felt it was time to share. To spread the word. When I did I got a lot of people looking at me like I wasn't right in the head, that I was missing something important and that's why I made no sense. But older people, 45+ all understood and just stared at me like they couldn't believe what they heard coming from my mouth. I was 24/25 and a woman, there's no way I could actually be as intelligent as I was portraying. Honestly, someone even said the whole English class felt intimidated by me (I stand 4'10", how intimidating can that be?). I wanted to laugh it off, but had to question myself why they felt that way.

My whole life I have looked up to those I believed had great wisdom, and I believe once you hit a certain point you don't necessarily want to shout it from the rooftops, but you probably want to start discussions, see what others believe, think, feel.

I've been an empath my whole life, I've had ghostly and extraterrestrial experiences. I've also had my share of interactions with God as the whole energy, or manipulated parts of creation which helped me to understand it. But I have never felt more connected to everything around me as I have after introspection. And one of the major times I was doing it was during the election, which was very heated. I felt the need to speak with others, to show this wasn't how we were as people, that we were better. And I wanted to be President (me, being anti-social for the most part, probably not a good idea). Since I knew I wouldn't be able to do that, I decided writing a book to help people think about these issues and help solve them together would end up doing the same job. It spreads the idea.

I genuinely hope you find this information helpful, and if you want to talk about it with me you can also add me as a friend on Goodreads, I'd love to talk with you and help you during this transition period.

Sounds like you have begun your ascension. Now, enjoy the ride.

Much love and light,

D. M. Shiro

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