The Miracle In My Bedroom

I had something happen to me that took place when I was a teenager in high school. I was extremely insecure and had a lot of self-loathing. I used to cut on myself and eventually found alcohol to help make me feel better. I had a boy friend at that time and along with everything else I had a huge problem with jealousy and rage.

I found out he was cheating on me and I can't even describe how painful it was to me. It just caused so much pain. I hated myself so much that I couldn't understand why he did it. I kept asking him, "what is so wrong with me that you have to cheat?" I realize now that it was because I was so insecure with myself that it bothered me to that extreme.

One day I was sitting in my bedroom floor talking to him on the phone. I remember I was in a lot of pain trying to understand why I was so bad that he had done this. I don't know if I thought it or spoke it but what came to mind was God help me. With tears streaming down my face and him still on the phone with me, I looked up at the corner of my room and it was like a whitish mist.

This mist came to me and I felt it totally surround me. All I could see was white. I couldn't tell you the measure of time except all of the sudden every negative emotion, the pain, self-hatred, anger and fear was gone. It took it right out of me and it felt almost like a vacuum sucked it right out and it was replaced with the most awesome feeling I had ever felt and then the mist was gone but that feeling of joy stayed.

I knew this couldn't be explained by science or medicine unless I was just "crazy" but I know it was real and I know it was God that came and took my pain away right then and there in my bedroom. I hung up with my boyfriend and proceeded to find my bible and then I read it for a while. I can tell you that since that day in my bedroom I have not felt that degree of self-hatred and insecurity ever again and I remember it like it happened yesterday.

Now and again when I get down I think about that experience and it reassures me that my Father IS with me and he is capable of miracles. It is the most profound thing that has ever happened to me.