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Creating Your Reality: The Path to Change

My first mentor told me once that change comes to us in the form of doors. These doors open periodically and we have the opportunity to step through them. If we don't, they close for a while but they will always cycle around and open again. When we are ready, we enter.

The place we live, the people we associate with and the place we work is a reflection of what we have chosen and are. Ideally, it is what resonates with us. However, we can change our self, which results in a possible disharmony between the choices of the past, and the person of the present. This is called growth. It's like growing too big for a pair of jeans, and yet trying to keep wearing the old size. The "mis-fit" is painful and either you shrink back down, or get a new pair of jeans.

While jeans are a basic example, the premise exists at all levels with corresponding complexities. Ịf we create large complex realities, undoing that can be very complex and upsetting to the people around us. The president of a corporation will have vast social ties and responsibilities, a reputation and even the well being of people under him or her if they should decide to change, while a person fresh out of high school has little decisions to undue, or people to let down.

It's the pressure of this that keeps us in tight fitting jeans. We are seldom solo later in life and don't just have ourselves to think of. We can have spouses, children, and friends who would be baffled at any significant change (especially if it wasn't what society thought we should be doing). This is why most people live, as Thoreau once wrote, "lives of quiet desperation." Or perhaps they will end their life all together, unable to go face either reality.

The second thing my mentor told me, in terms of relationships, is that you either grow together, or grow apart. If you're lucky, you're partner will keep pace (or even lead) in your growth. Together you can select lifestyles that reflect who you really are.

The net part requires bravery. Change is always frightening. Fear, as I have always said, is the number one obstacle in life. Fear of poverty, ridicule and of course, failure. You inwardly wonder if you're suffering from "the grass is greener syndrome." Or is it plain dead on this side of the fence and time to move on? The question is, you won't know unless you look.

This isn't about escape. It's about living honestly with both yourself and others. Working in a job you detest is a lie and nothing to be proud of. You are cheating both yourself and your employer. Grinding through a virtual hell is no way to live and at the end of your life you'll only come to regret it.

There is no right or wrong lifestyle, job or spouse; it's what resonates with you. Some are splendidly happy living in the city enjoying a high tech career, where others thrive off of country living and tending crops. It's supposed to be a reflection of you. And I think everyone is entitled to this.

Of course, having the life you dream may mean some sacrifice in other areas and letting go of attachments. You may not be able to impress your friends with how much you make, what you drive, or where you live, but to me, that is a small price for emotional and physical freedom.

Some of the greatest and most influential humans that walked the earth did so in relative poverty from Einstein, Thoreau, Tesla, Van Gough, Mother Theresa, to name a few, but each was passionate about what they did and what they did was a reflection of who they were.

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