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Losing My Spiritual Gifts

 

I will begin by asking these questions: What am I? Am I even human? Do I still possess the many spiritual gifts that I was born with... Or are they gone forever? I'll start off with a few small details about myself. I'm 18 years old, and in a sense a tad bit inexperienced with all of this. I literally feel like I'm not a member of the human race, in fact the only way that I can make sense of myself is if I think of my self as an alien, or a creature, or my personal favorite... human-hybrid.

I believe that I was born with a lot of spiritual gifts. As a young child I was extremely spiritually in tune. I had a few demonic and possibly angelic (though I'm not sure it could have been a demon disguising itself as an angel of light) visitations. I had a prophetic gift (dreamt about the world trade center attack 2 weeks before it happened etc). I'm definitely without a doubt an empath and I'm extremely intuitive.

I feel like I may have lost some of my gifts. Growing up I got into drugs and alcohol, I've also had issues with mental illness. I've had a lot of very traumatic experiences in my life. I'm now on an anti-depressant and anti-psychotic. I feel like these things have either gotten rid of my gifts or clouded them.

On very rare occasions I feel my prophetic gift but it's very dull. A lot of times my intuition kicks in but it's sometimes hard to tell it apart from my paranoia. I'm currently clean of drugs and alcohol, and eventually plan to see a naturopath doctor to get prescribed to supplements rather than take medication. Will my gifts come back or are they gone forever?

I've always known I was different. I took the myers-briggs personality test and apparently I am an INFJ (feel free to google). INFJ's are an extremely rare breed. Only 1% of the population has this personality type, making it the rarest out of 16 different personality types. INFJ's are known for their intuition, empathy, and "psychic" abilities, which is extremely different from all the other personality types.

I am a follower of Jesus, and though I find New Age very interesting I try to steer clear of it. But I don't doubt that there are probably a few seeds of truths in it. (don't let the Christian part intimidate you, I'm extremely open-minded and desperate for answers from all different types of perspectives).

I should probably also add that I had my first (and only) lsd trip a little less than a year ago. I had a very intense spiritual awakening. About I week later, I believe that I was demon possessed... Scratch that, I know for a fact that I was demon possessed. That also tied in with a psychotic break, so I believe that there was a definite mental/physical aspect, along with a spiritual aspect. I'll just say in short, I'm lucky to be alive. (Also there are a few other times that I definitely should have died, but some how am miraculously still here).

I'm a broken person, with a whole lot of questions and confusion. I would GREATLY APPRECIATE a mentor. And I need to learn how to channel my gifts, if I even still possess them. Feel 100% free to ask for any details about anything that may help you to provide me with some answers.

I will end with the same questions. What am I? Am I even human? Do I still possess the many spiritual gifts that I was born with... Or are they gone forever?

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Comments about this spiritual experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by spiritual-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, MsMask, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

Gohome (1 posts)
 
6 years ago (2011-10-01)
Yeah I too had a lot of traumatic experiences almost dying off weed going to the hospital on ecstasy really fcks you up. For me personally it built a lot of bad mind sets where I'd listen to people and hear them talking to me. I can't smoke weed anymore or do many drugs because I'm so crazy and caught up in a fantasy word that I mostly just end up getting sick and throwing them up.

It's been a while sense all that and my advise now is just keep pushing forward. Get in tune with the energy's I have a lot of gifts that go with my craziness. I can smell flowers coming from my body and it gets me into this energy then I'm feeling Ecstasy. I can literally smell when people flow the energy comes off of them.

Most of all it's letting go and let the universe take us remember we construct our selves threw our egos. When we let go of our selves we let go of all our problems remembering that we are energy.

You should try and maybe meditate every day when ever you are stressed. Build good habits like sitting still remember the habits!

I feel blessed or depressed most of the time I find that its mostly because I'm sitting at the house doing nothing. Even getting on the internet and simply reading people post gets my mind off those thoughts that are sending you back.

Focus on the now stop all thoughts at all time! Research Pranayama and try and get in tune with it.
Athenaki (1 posts)
 
6 years ago (2011-07-29)
Dear MsMask.
I am amazed with your comment- I have read your article and I am having the same questions as I have been through traumatic experience the last 2 years was kind of mental and I have the fear that I have lost my gift and also I needed someone to answer to me all these questions.
You just need to let your self free;-) Please try that, put all the fears away. I know what it means by saying paranoia and psychotic.
You can email me if you want geopurple [at] hotmail.com if you want to talk. Have been through all those symptoms and I am 89%back to my self again;-)
Good Luck to you and remember, you haven't lost it, you just need to let your self free from all the negative thoughts.
rebornphoenix (1 posts)
 
6 years ago (2011-07-25)
You say you are a follower of Jesus. So know this and engrave it on your heart: you are a beloved child of God. Not only are you human, but you are precious to Him. You said that you "are a broken person", and I tell you, that God seeks out the broken, the weak, the lost, the hungry. He makes them whole.
You seem to be lamenting the loss or diminishing of your spiritual gifts, but I don't think you have to worry. God will give you more than you even ask for.
Have no fear.
Shaman-Odin-Ra (1 stories) (3 posts)
 
6 years ago (2011-07-09)
Well no offense you cannot blame Satan for everything. This is the will of herself. But I believe they are clouded. Try some meditative practices and unlock your chakras and spirituality cleanse yourself.

Hope this helps.
heathersully (2 posts)
 
6 years ago (2011-06-16)
You never lose gifts, God gave them to you for a reason. I notice in my experience and others satan fights the people that will be very strong in God the hardest, he puts strong holds on us from the time we are very small until now, so we turn away from God and turn to him (drugs/alcohol/etc). You really don't need a mentor and I am not a dr so I don't know your condition but I don't think you have any mental problems, it is just strong holds. You said you became possessed, I was as well. I remained possessed for about 7 years without knowing I was. On may 10, 2010 I preyed for God to forgive me and be in me and as I was preying I felt something in my chest trying to suck something (demon) out the demon kept clawing and trying to go down into my stomach and then seconds after the clawing it came out of my mouth and I seen a cloud of smoke. After, I couldn't stop smiling and crying and I felt like I could breathe better. I have gifts also but God slowly let me experience them through out my life so I wouldn't freak out and become a nut case. I see angels and demons, scary at first but once I realized it is a gift I learned to embrace it. God does everything very timely and for a reason. Maybe He has a reason for you not being more in touch with your gifts or satan is clouding them. Make sure you are not still possessed because with possession you could also have "gifts" like knowing about things in the past and future you should not know. Also with possession Gods gifts will not work quite as well as their supposed to. God is always with you, and I prey you find yourself soon.
AngelaMKC (6 posts)
 
7 years ago (2011-06-02)
You probably still have your abilities. Try to not take any drugs or medicine of any kind.
ordinaryboy (2 posts)
 
7 years ago (2011-05-31)
I agree with James you will never LOSE your connection to the spiritual realm and I believe that everyone can contact the spirtual world if they so wish and for the right reasons, but there are people like yourself, James and i, who's abilities flow quite naturally to them and this makes your job easier, my advice - relax you will NEVER lose your ability, in my experience I can go for months with zero contact with spirit then give an outstanding spritual reading passing on messages and details to people from loved ones, so...

DO relax and smile youve had contact with spirit which is an awesomely positive thing and if your heart is pure and your reasons for contact are positive spirits will need and ask for your help!

DONT - get frustrated or irritated or feel down or negative this will deter good contact and attract bad contact, and refrain from trying too hard to make contact after all its spirits that contact you when they are good and ready your guides however are always available so feel free to attempt contact, the correct way when you feel it is needed,

Just smile and be patient:)
James (10 stories) (151 posts)
 
7 years ago (2011-05-31)
MsMask

Hello, you pose some interesting questions and yet you have also answered them as well.

Your age is the one that kind of throws a curve into everything, you are still young my friend, perhaps mentally very much older but in human terms still quite young, be patient, your Soul is...

Does one ever lose their abilities, NO, you just put them aside for awhile, unconsciously. Somewhere along the way the Soul says, "hey I can do this, just have to convince the Ego (the human conscious mind) of it.

I have felt recently that I ws losing touch with God and the Ethereal Realm, becasue I hadn't paid much attention to them lately. In fact my ability to engage in discussion had never left or diminished, however in my mind I thought it had.

You may very well have to re-train your mind to accept what you are capable again, as it is now thinking it has control again and will put all that spiritual, non-linear, can't be physically verified stuff aside.

Your Soul knows differently, it is the one truly in charge and it just sits back for a little while and let's the human ego have its' fun, ewventually it will come back and say "...okay I have control again..." Magically everything you have ever known yourself to be capable of returns, you may have to do a little re-training of your body and mind, but it is all still there.

The answers you and many who read this site seek are all within you, just ask you will find the answers.

Look not upon what was, but look upon what is and will be again...

James

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