I have had a number of experiences throughout my life that I didn't think much about because I have always accepted that a spiritual plane exists. However, I didn't have a spiritual practice or give it much attention.
Then, my life turned upside down. Problems in my marriage slowly surfaced over the course of a year, culminating in a confession by my husband that shocked and devastated me and ultimately ended the relationship. I was in a state of deep depression, anxiety, and despair at what was happening in my life. I had the life I had always wanted, had moved to a new area where I found amazing friends, a wonderful school for my children and my dream home, a place I wanted to live for the rest of my life. I couldn't understand why this was happening, why my life was unraveling. Then, things started to happen.
Two months after my marriage ended my father died. I hadn't spoken to him in several years as we had a strained and tumultuous relationship. This was not devastating to me because I had already grieved the loss of my father although it added to my depressive state.
Two days after my father died, I had an incredible and confusing experience. There was a friend of a friend (a man) I had started to get to know better recently. We have an amazing amount of things in common and I always enjoyed talking with him. I also found him very attractive but didn't think much of it because we were both married. But, I admit I had a little crush.
Well, the day of the experience, I felt very strongly that I would see him. A strong persistent feeling throughout the day which I was very confused about. Then, at home that evening (my husband hadn't moved out yet) this man stopped by our house to offer help with something I had mentioned to him a couple of days earlier. My husband answered the door and when I heard his voice I couldn't believe it. I had been thinking I would see him and then he showed up!
I walked into the room to say hello and when he turned to look at me it happened. When our eyes met my body began to swell with an incredible amount of warm energy. The best way I can describe it is filling up like a balloon from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. It was very, very intense yet loving. Then, I just "knew" he was the one. I was also given a message although I never heard a voice. The message was very clear, "Don't despair, you have done what you were supposed to do and now you get to be happy, and here he is".
I stood in my kitchen with this man and my husband trying to have a conversation while this amazing experience was happening to me. Then, at one point in the conversation when we caught eyes again, I saw a white flash of light coming from his eyes. This happened again as he went to leave and I walked him to his car, when we caught eyes just as he was getting in his car I saw another flash of white light in his eyes. It took me about an hour to calm down afterward. I was so confused because he is married, how could he be "the one"?
Many things have happened since then, unlikely coincidences such as amazing timing, running into him when I felt I would, I found out we have the same birthday, and many other things. Once I was at a friend's house who lives near him and I heard a voice say "go outside" so I did and he was right there walking by with his daughters!
While I feel elated by this experience and meeting him makes so many things in my life make sense, he is married and unavailable. Adding to my confusion is that I have precedent for this! When I was first getting to know my future husband (this was 13 years ago) I heard a voice whisper in my right ear, "You've met your husband". Which has a whole other story with it I won't go into here.
I don't know what to believe. But, this has started a journey for me of self-discovery and a spiritual quest to understand what happened, what it meant, how it could possibly happen and so many other things. I feel as though I was struck by Cupid's arrow that day. But, I am so scared it won't happen. This was a year and half ago now. I don't know what the experience would mean if it didn't and it seems so improbable that he would become available and even if he did it would be a complicated situation with ex-spouses, step-children, blending families and all that comes with it, which I am not sure I would otherwise choose.
I am simply waiting, waiting, waiting for him while adjusting to my new life as a divorced person. How long do I wait before I must accept that the experience wasn't what I thought? It is holding me back from getting involved with other people or even dating.
I would appreciate any comments. Thank you for reading.
I know for certain that the devil is not talking to me. I don't believe in the devil or hell, the only hell that exists is Earth. I also believe I am aware enough and empowered enough to know if Earthbounds are trying to confuse me. I know when Earthbounds are near me and when my Guides and Angels are. It is like night and day. All of the experiences I have had with this man are angelic in nature.
I used an extremely gifted medium to talk with my Guides recently and they have reassured me that all the experiences I am having are for a reason - "no accident" they kept saying. They confirmed that this man and I will be together, that our souls have already agreed to be together for a duration in this lifetime and that I am to keep moving toward him as long as I feel the pull to do so. I agree it is confusing because of the marriage issue, but what I come up with is that everyone charts their own life here on Earth and we choose certain experiences to achieve growth in certain ways and this is just another way.
I am not saying I want to have an affair, I don't. I want him to be free so we can experience the depth of our spiritual connection free from guilt/fear/worry, etc. And, I believe my Guides and Source will guide me in the proper direction when the time is right.
This is the way Source has chosen to awaken me to my psychic gifts. And, a way to show me that real love is still coming into my life after all of the heartache and abuse I have suffered. In all the reading I have been doing about psychic phenomena what I come upon over and over is that to know something is real and not your imagination or a negative entity is to go with how you FEEL about the experience. Our Guides and Source use our emotions to tell us the truth in a situation. Listen, feel, be quiet, and feel again. Source will tell you the truth through your gut, your intuition, your feelings.
What my feelings are telling me is that this man is a kindred spirit, someone I have spent many lifetimes with before - learning, growing, and loving. We have chosen to come together again in this lifetime to learn further. He and I will be together and it will be wonderful. That is what I have been told by my Guides and I feel it to be true with everything I am and care about.
I feel sorry for anyone who believes that Earthbounds have the ability to trick you and play with you. If you are in that situation seek help and guidance so you can learn to discern what type of energy is near you so you can learn to control it, because we all have the ability to control it. We have the strength and will of Source within us to use and draw from. I also feel sorry for anyone who believes evil walks this Earth and controls people. It doesn't. People have evil within them and they allow evil to control them. Disallowing evil to have any reign over us comes from within and from Source, and evil has no power over Source.
The gifted medium I saw said what BeautifulDay said above - we do have to earn what we are allowed to experience. We must seek knowledge to gain knowledge, we must seek love to gain love, we must earn our psychic abilities through dedication and work, earning the right to possess these sacred gifts and knowledge. There is no room for evil, Earthbound, or negative energy in that pursuit other than to understand how to minimize it.
Best wishes and good luck to you all on your journey in this life.